


But Now It's Just A Curse

by PigSlay



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, College/University, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Future Fic, M/M, Panic Attacks, Racism discussed, Recreational Drug Use, not an au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-10-22 08:32:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 30,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10693335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PigSlay/pseuds/PigSlay
Summary: Zayn is working on his second album. The OT4 are still on break. While he’s working on his album, Zayn decides to enroll at a University to get his English degree. He plans to do it all at home, but there’s one lecture he has to take for his degree and there’s no online option. Balancing going to lecture and working on an album at the same time becomes even harder when he finds out who one of his lecture mates is…





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know One Direction, this isn’t real. Thank you to tumblr users shadowandfreshwater, 17black-hs, and britpickerhl for being my beta readers/britpicker and making sure this fic is as beautiful as it can be. Tumblr user britpickerhl did tell me that UK Universities don’t work like US ones in the sense that you either take all classes online or all classes in the flesh and there are no combinations, but for the sake of this fic we both decided it was okay to ignore that this one time. :P
> 
> \---
> 
> OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH. I DID THAT. I WROTE *30K* WORDS. THAT'S A NEW K I'VE NEVER REACHED BEFORE. OH MY GOSH I'M SO PROUD. I'm sooo proud of this fic, it's my baby. And it wouldn't be as amazing as it is without the help of my friend Janee. THANK YOU JANEE. I've never really written a Slow Burn before - I don't want my characters to be mad at each other forever; I want them to just kiss already. Janee can attest to all the annoyance I had at my stubborn characters, but the Fluff came eventually and I was so happy when it did.
> 
> I started this like summer of last year and finished it in like December or January I think??? I was so anxious to post this finally but I knew it had to make its debut at this here Big Bang. I'm so glad I can finally post it for all of you all to see and hope you all enjoy it as much as I enjoyed making it.
> 
> When I started making this fic Jay was still alive, and after the news was announced I couldn't just NOT have her be in the story anymore, so shoutout to you Jay. I love you and you're still in our memories.
> 
> ONE MORE PERSON TO THANK: My amazing artist, Karelydraws. You can see their beautiful piece in about, chapter 3 I believe, as well as on tumblr.
> 
> Thank you all so much and I really hope you all enjoy it. <333
> 
> Also there's a character from another fandom (a fictional fandom) that makes a guest appearance. Props to whoever notices. ;)

Zayn is really excited. No, “excited” doesn’t even cover what he’s feeling right now. He’s currently in an office-type room, surrounded by advisers who for the most part are leaving him alone, but are also there to help him sign up for the lectures he’s going to take this upcoming term. That’s right, lectures. He decided recently he was going to apply to some of the Universities nearby in hopes that one of them will accept them, and one did!

So now he’s signing up for his lectures. He’s decided he’s going to take the three basic lectures - History, Maths, and Science - as well as one lecture that he thinks will be far more exciting than the others.

Naturally he’ll be taking them all online. After all, he does still have a second album to work on – so it’ll work best for his sake, as well as the sake of his crew, if he’s not missing too many sessions due to Uni.

He’s decided one of the lectures he’s going to sign up for is creative writing. Not only does he love writing (of course) but, on top of that and it being a requirement for his degree, he’s also been noticing recently that he’s been going through a block. He’s hoping that this lecture will help him fix that block in time for him to deliver something good for the fans.

When he starts scrolling through the options for the creative writing lecture though, he notices there’s no online option. He calls one of the people who works here over to ask what this is all about.

“I’m sorry,” the person – Mr. Barnes, his nametag says – tells Zayn. “As of now the creative writing lecture has no online option. We’re trying to work on getting an online option available for that lecture soon, but as of now it’s only available in person.”

He grumbles. He really doesn’t want to wait until next term to take it, but at the same time, he’s got a lot on his plate to deal with and taking an in-person lecture doesn’t seem like a good idea.

However, then Mr. Barnes starts talking again. “Let me guess, you have a really busy schedule?”

Zayn scoffs. “You could say that, I guess.” He thought this guy would’ve known him based on his name alone when he applied here, but maybe he was being too egotistical. Besides, Mr. Barnes may not even be the person who accepted his application…

“I know balancing University and work can be a tough thing to do for many people,” Mr. Barnes tells him. “But you’ve already signed up for all these other lectures to do online, so something tells me if you really want to take this, you will find the ability to make it work.” He pauses. “Also, take Mrs. Hart. She’s very understanding and I have yet to meet a student who hasn’t come out of her lecture learning something, not just about writing but about themselves too.”

Zayn mentally scoffs again. _Dramatic, much?_ However, Mr. Barnes is right; he really does want to take this lecture, and he too knows he’ll find a way to make it work.

He goes through the pros and cons in his head, and weighs them out. Well, it’s only one lecture that’s offline. He already knows most of his online lectures are going to be boring, and creative writing can never be boring. Plus, it’s only two days a week.

He eventually decides the pros definitely outweigh the cons and clicks on the button to sign up. After that he doesn’t sign up for any other lectures, and thanks Mr. Barnes and the other advisers who work there for their time.

Now comes the hardest part: convincing his parents this was the right idea.

***

Zayn can feel a headache forming as he argues the benefits of this decision with his parents.

“Zayn, are you sure this is a good idea?” His mom, Trisha, asks him. They’re all sat at a table, Zayn on one side and his parents on the other side. “Balancing an album and going to University can be a lot of work. I think you should be taking it easy and resting some.”

“Mum, it’s only one lecture,” Zayn says. “It’s not like I’ll be going to the University every day.”

“Didn’t you say it was more than one lecture though?” his dad, Yaser, steps in now. “This may be the only lecture you’re taking on the campus, but you said you were taking some lectures online as well. That’s a lot to handle.”

“I know, I know.” He sighs.

This is exactly why Zayn didn’t want to tell them. He knew they’d react like this – like… well, parents. At the same time though, he felt like he needed to tell them because otherwise he’d feel guilty.

“Listen, I know it’s a lot,” he tries. “And I know it probably means less sleep and stuff, but guys. I know what I’m doing. I really want to get this degree. And I want my parents to be there in the audience when I graduate, not at home huffing about the fact I took a lecture when I should’ve been relaxing or whatever.”

The two parents look at each other and still look wary, but then they exhale simultaneously. “Fine,” his dad says. “If this is what you feel is the best decision for you, then we support you. Just, try to be careful okay?”

Zayn smiles. “Thank you dad.” He gets up and gives his father a hug, turning it into a group hug with his mother soon after. “I’m glad you guys approve. Even if I can do things on my own now, you guys’ opinions are still really important to me.”

His parents smile into the hug and the three of them stay like that for a few minutes. Afterwards, he shows them a picture of the building he’ll be taking his creative writing lecture at, as well as telling them the name of his professors, both for that lecture and for his online lectures.

Even though he acts like he isn’t scared at all, throughout the whole thing he’s thinking to himself that he has no clue what he’s doing or how he’s going to handle balancing University and work. He has to stop thinking too hard about it, or he really will give himself a headache.

***

The next day, Zayn finds himself in the recording studio. He’s been trying to get some recording done before his first day at University, so that in case he doesn’t have as much time as he’s hoping for he’ll at least have some things ready.

He’s been trying, at least, but nothing’s coming to him. He’s been in a complete stump for a while now, actually. That’s partially why he signed up to take this creative writing lecture – other than the fact that it’s required for his degree, of course.

As he stares at the blank sheet of paper that's been in front of him for what feels like an hour, he realizes he’s so excited to start this lecture. Maybe it will give him back some of the spark he’s been missing as of late.

He decides to head home, thinking it’s healthier to get a lot of sleep tonight and tomorrow instead of holing up in here when nothing’s coming to him. He closes the notebook and walks back out to his car, waving goodbye to his friends and managers.


	2. Welcome To Uni

Zayn is really excited. He's gotten a lot of sleep, had a great breakfast, and has his books all ready to go. There's nothing this day can do to bring him down.

He looks at the time. 2:30. He saves his work on the introduction paper he's working on for another lecture and, putting on his backpack, goes out to his car.

For once the flashes and comments from paparazzi don't bother him. He's too happy about his first day at lecture.

As soon as his driver drops him off, he’s vaguely aware of the sound of four or five screaming fans behind him - as well as his bodyguard more or less telling them to back off - but in that moment, all he can focus on is the building in front of him. He finds himself running into the building, opening the doors and for a moment just standing there in awe of how beautiful it is.

It feels like a lifetime ago that he last stepped into a building like this. Because the day after he last went to school – or was it a couple days after? He can’t really remember anymore because it’s been so long – was when he went to his audition for X Factor.

He tries not to cry from the nostalgia. Not yet at least. Right now he has to focus on getting to lecture, otherwise he’ll be late. He takes his schedule out of his backpack and looks at the lone offline lecture.

Someone who looks like a lecturer starts walking by and Zayn takes the opportunity, tapping them on the shoulder. “Excuse me, can you tell me where this lecture theatre is?”

The person points up the stairs. “Go all the way up there and then take a right. It should be the first door on the left from there.”

“Cool, thanks!” Zayn doesn’t waste any time, speed walking up the stairs and taking a right. As soon as he sees the lecture theatre on his left, he takes a deep breath. He can already tell just from looking inside that it’s one of those rooms where you have to walk in front of people in order to get to your seat. This is going to be a little hard, he thinks, but as he looks at his watch he sees that he’s not late at all, so he has nothing to be anxious about.

One last breath in and out, he puts his hands on the door, excited and ready to greet the lecturer and his fellow students. As soon as he opens it and steps in front of the desks though, his face immediately drops.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

“Tell me I’m just imagining that voice. Tell me he’s not actually here…” Louis looks up from his paper. “Oh, of course not, I can never be that lucky.” He immediately returns his face to his paper, as if he never saw Zayn in the first place.

Zayn has a feeling that that’s how this lecture is going to be from now on; Louis making passive-aggressive comments about Zayn and then pretending he never said anything. That’s okay, Zayn thinks. Two can play at this game.

Before he can say anything back though, the lecturer walks in. “Alright students, please take your seats.” The lecturer makes a face at Zayn, and he doesn’t have to be told twice.

He takes a seat as far away from Louis as he possibly can. He hears Louis chuckle in the background and mutter, “Of course the nerd wants to sit in the front.”

Zayn sighs. This term is going to be harder than he thought.

***

The rest of the day goes expectedly terrible. Their lecturer – Mrs. Hart – decides to be one of those lecturers who starts out the first day of lecture with those “tell us about yourself” questions.

“So tell us your name, your pronouns, and the reason you decided to take this lecture,” Mrs. Hart instructs. “We’ll start on this side.” She points to the left of the lecture theatre.

“Great.” Zayn whispers, since that means it won’t be long before he’s called on. He tries to distract himself and focus on the three other people next to him, but all he finds himself doing is looking behind his back to take what he hopes is subtle glimpses at Louis. Louis never looks back for more than a millisecond though.

It’s stressing him out, because they used to be able to look at each other for hours and it wouldn’t be weird. It would be relaxing, fun, comforting. It’s too strange for them to be this far apart, both literally and figuratively, after all they’ve been through together.

Mrs. Hart clears her throat. “Umm… Zayn, it’s your turn.”

“Right, sorry.” Zayn returns his attention to the front of the room, trying to ignore the memories racing through his head right now.

“Can’t keep your eyes off me for even a second huh Malik?” Louis mutters. “Aww… How romantic.”

Zayn tries to ignore that and focus on introducing himself. “I’m Zayn Malik, he/him, and I’m taking this lecture both because it’s required as part of my English degree, and because lately I’ve been at a slump for writing, so I thought I’d kill two birds with one stone.”

“Sheesh, she only asked for a short answer, not a novel,” Louis murmurs.

“Well, this is a creative writing lecture, so why not write a novel?” Zayn fires back with a smirk. A few people respond with ‘ooh’s, one of the people sitting next to Louis obviously fighting to hold back laughter.

“Louis,” Mrs. Hart says. “Since you have so much to say, why don’t you go next?”

“Fine.” Louis looks up from his paper. “I’m Louis, he/him, and I’m taking this lecture because I’ve actually been in a bit of a slump myself, and I want to get out of it before my band gets back together.” A short pause. Here it comes, Zayn thinks. “You know? The best band in the world, One Direction, the band that I can’t imagine anyone ever wanting to quit no matter how stressed they claim to be.”

Zayn bites his lip and is about to make a snarky reply, but Mrs. Hart cuts both of them off first. “Yes we are all aware of the band you’re from, Tomlinson. If you’re trying to get special treatment from me though, it’s not gonna work. And stay away from my wife!”

That seems to render Louis speechless for the time being. “Now,” she continues. “Let’s go back to the person who was next before Louis interrupted. Sandra?”

After everybody has introduced themselves and whatnot, Mrs. Hart gives them their first in-lecture assignment. “You can choose any medium you want – song lyrics, poetry, a story, a screenplay – even an essay if you want to. Just choose a medium and write about something you’re really passionate about. Could be friends, could be activism, could be writing itself. Whatever it is, write it out and put your name at the top.”

Zayn almost wants to laugh because of course that would be the first assignment when everything he's passionate about is in this room.

He tries to write about his family, his friends, his music, anything that doesn’t start with an L and end with ouis, but it doesn’t work. Zayn has learned throughout his life though, that fighting his ideas doesn’t help anything, it just makes him feel worse.

So, being very careful to make sure nobody else can even take a small glimpse at it, he starts writing a poem about Louis. Once he starts on it, it’s like he doesn’t want to stop. The poem ends up being very long, longer than a poem probably should be, but he has a lot to write that he’s been keeping between himself and Allah, and all of it seems to be pouring out at once.

As he’s writing he thinks that it’s incredible how just a few days ago he was at a loss of what to say when in the studio, but seeing Louis’ face alone was enough to inspire this three-page poem in him. He finds himself wondering what Louis is writing about. He doubts it’s about him, but something in him wishes it was. Even if it’s something trashing him left and right, at least Louis would be thinking about him…

“Alright, lecture is almost over,” Mrs. Hart announces. “Turn your papers over and pass them to the end of your table.”

“Which end?” Sandra asks.

“The one closest to me,” Mrs. Hart instructs, pointing. “You guys pass it to the right, and you guys pass it to the left.”

Zayn lingers on for a moment, not sure what a good enough ending would be to wrap up this long poem. Eventually he decides to just end it unresolved, just like their relationship in real life seems to be.

“Okay,” Mrs. Hart says, going to each table and collecting the papers. “I know everybody hates getting assigned homework on the first day of term, but that’s what I’m going to do.” The lecture groans. “It’s fun homework though, I promise.”

“Yeah, that’s what all the lecturers say,” a random kid in the back whose name Zayn didn’t catch pipes up.

“Alright, fair enough,” she agrees. “So maybe not all of you will find it fun. But I’m still assigning it anyway.” More groans. “Tonight, your assignment is to write an essay about yourself. Your interests, your favorite memories, your favorite concerts. Any of that. Tell me all about you. There’s no maximum amount of words or pages, just submit at least one full page to me talking about yourself. That’s all. I’ll see you in lecture on Thursday.”

Zayn gets up, putting his binder and papers back in his backpack and heading towards the door as fast as he can without looking like he hates the lecture. That was actually a really fun assignment, and he’s actually really excited about tonight’s assignment as well. He just knows if he stays in that lecture theatre any longer, he’s going to explode.

He decides to go to his parents’ for dinner that night, and if he ends up sleeping over there too, well, it’s okay because his remaining lectures are online.

***

It’s been about two weeks since Zayn’s first day of creative writing lecture. Things have been going well enough, or at least as well as they can be considering the other person that’s constantly there.

Zayn doesn’t get it. If Louis hates him so much, why hasn’t he just left the lecture yet? There’s still time to drop the lecture and not receive an F. Then again, he thinks, he’s kind of a hypocrite because he too has the ability to drop the lecture now, yet he isn’t planning on doing so.

On the bright side though, Zayn has felt more inspired lately than he has in a while. Sure it’s mostly a sad and angry inspiration, but inspiration comes from all feelings, and he definitely has a lot of feelings right now.

Still, Zayn decides it’s time to find some relaxation in the middle of all this madness, so after saving something for his biology lecture, he ‘x’s out of all the University related stuff and opens Skype instead.

He doesn’t understand why he’s so nervous all of a sudden. He and Liam have talked many times on Skype before. Maybe it’s because the last time they talked was last month, but he told Liam he was signing up for lectures, so hopefully he understands. Taking a deep breath, Zayn clicks on Liam’s name.

“Hi Liam,” Zayn smiles.

“Hi Zayn,” Liam responds. “Oh, hold on just a second.” He goes out of frame for a moment, saying things to someone that Zayn doesn’t really catch. He hums to himself while waiting in order to relax.

Liam comes back a few minutes later. “Hey, sorry about that. What’s up?”

“Why does something have to be up in order for me to talk to my best friend?” Zayn laughs awkwardly, immediately regretting saying those words.

“Zayn, I was just saying that as a conversation starter…” He raises his eyebrows. “But now I really am concerned that’s something’s up. You look… tense.”

“Well, Uni is a pain in the a***,” Zayn replies honestly, trying to relax his shoulders but then slumping back over a few seconds later. “As if balancing getting homework turned in on time and going to the studio wasn’t enough, there’s no online option for this creative writing lecture so I have to actually go to the building every Tuesday and Thursday. At first I was excited but now… The stress is just too much you know?”

Liam, always so astute, obviously isn’t believing that that’s all it is. “It seems like there’s more to this than just not being able to do all your lectures online. I think I know what it is.” Zayn’s heart thumps really loud. Did Louis tell Liam about this? Of course he did, Zayn thinks to himself. Louis tells Liam everything.

“Do you have a crush on one of the people in your lecture?” Liam challenges, suddenly a smirk on his face.

Zayn bites his lip, giggling. So Louis _didn’t_ tell Liam. That’s a first. Then again, maybe Louis is just trying to pretend this isn’t happening and Zayn doesn’t exist. That’s not a first.

But Liam has now given Zayn a way out of talking about this, just like he wanted. All Zayn has to do is put on his best smile and say ‘yes’. All he has to do is say yes.

“Louis and I are in lecture together,” he blurts out. _What?_ He thinks to himself. _Where did that come from? I thought we were saying ‘yes’._

Liam’s face drops from a smirk into a frown. “Yeah, I figured.”

“What?” Zayn asks. “Why’d you ask me that if you knew what the problem was then?”

“I said I figured, I didn’t know for sure though.” Liam clears his throat, and it’s obvious he’s trying really hard to keep his cool and focus on the screen, but is having a hard time doing so. “Louis told me he was taking a creative writing lecture this term in order to help him get back in the writing spirit so that he’s ready when we come back from the break. I didn’t realize it was about you, but he was talking about ‘that nerd who always sits in the front and thinks he knows everything’.”

“I’ve barely talked at all though!” Zayn objects, immediately taking a deep breath afterwards.

“Zayn, it’s okay.” Zayn watches as Liam reaches out, as if for a hand to hold, even though they’re who knows how far away. “It’s just how he gets, you know.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He half-heartedly agrees.

“I’m sorry you and him ended up in the same lecture together,” Liam says genuinely. “I know tensions are high right now. But I hope you’re able to learn something new from the lecture anyway.”

“I am,” Zayn replies, surprising himself. He smiles soon after, realizing it’s true. “I can’t wait to share some of the things I’ve been working on with you.”

“And I can’t wait to hear them.” Liam smiles back.

“Anyway, enough about me,” Zayn tells him, not wanting to make Liam keep talking about this since it puts him in an awkward position. “Tell me how you’ve been. I haven’t heard from you since I started Uni and I miss my Ian.”

Liam snorts. “Oh my gosh, not that embarrassing old nickname.”

“What? It’s cute! Come on, tell me about how life’s been treating you.”

“Okay ‘Wayne’,” Liam teases. “I guarantee it’s not nearly as exciting as University though.” Zayn rolls his eyes with fondness.

The two of them talk for about another hour, just talking about everything and nothing. Zayn loves how easy it is to talk to Liam. He thinks everybody deserves to have a friend like Liam.

After they sign off, Zayn goes to take a nap. He’s so glad he got to talk to Liam today, it really was exactly what he needed to get his mind off things.

As he sleeps, he just takes a moment to appreciate the little things, like how soft this mattress is and how beautiful it is outside today. That is, until he wakes up from the worst nightmare of all: he remembers that he forgot to turn in his latest maths test. He’s never jolted out of bed and to the computer so quickly.

***

The next time Zayn goes to lecture, he feels much less stressed. Since talking to Liam, everything has been much easier to handle. So much easier in fact that he finds himself showing up several minutes before lecture starts. He sits down and leans back in his chair, a very relaxed sigh escaping his lips.

Of course things can never stay good forever though.

As he’s leaning back in his chair he gets that feeling – that feeling that someone is staring at him. He already knows who it is without having to turn around, but for some reason he decides to do so anyway.

There’s Louis, with a glare so big that Zayn almost feels like he’s going to catch on fire just by seeing it. Still, he stares right back with a challenging expression, eyebrows raised, waiting for Louis to crack, because he’s not going to this time.

“I can’t believe you!” Well, that didn’t take long.

Zayn smirks. “Wow, you’re actually talking to me for once instead of making snarky side-comments like usual? How flattering.” He makes a show of fluttering his eyes and pretending to swoon. “And to what, pray tell, do I owe this beautiful honor?”

“Oh shove it Malik, you know what you did.”

“Let’s see.” Zayn dramatically pulls out an actually blank piece of paper and stares down at it, pretending to write check marks with a pen. “Left the band. Was in the same lecture as you. Sat in the front, because only nerds do that. Answered the lecturer’s question on the first day of University with a ‘novel’-”

“Oh my gosh just shut up!” Louis begs. Zayn should probably feel guilty but he’s having too much fun with this. “I’m talking about you Skyping with Liam.”

“Pfft, how would you know about that? Are you stalking me or something?”

“You wish I was stalking you.” Louis rolls his eyes. “Newsflash Zayn, he’s my best friend. Of course he would tell me about this.”

“Yeah, well, so what?” Zayn is getting bored with this conversation. “Newsflash to _you_ , we’ve talked many times before now. You can’t stop him and I from being friends with each other just because you wish we would.”

“I don’t care about that! If he wants to continue being friends with your piece of s*** a*** then he’s welcome to.” Louis pauses for a moment. “I’m mad because you told him we were in the same lecture together.”

Zayn finds himself cracking up. “Seriously Lou, of all the things to be upset about-”

“Don’t call me Lou. Only my friends get to call me that.” Okay, wow. Zayn thought he was going to be able to keep on going with the back and forth but that actually hurt. It shouldn’t hurt because it’s true; they aren’t friends anymore. But it does, and Zayn doesn’t like that.

He’s about to give up and just resign to staring at his notebook or something, but Louis says one last thing. “You shouldn’t have told Liam. I don’t want you talking to him about me. We’re not friends, and you don’t get to talk to my friends about me.”

Zayn bites his lip and makes random doodles in his notebook. Thankfully right at that moment Mrs. Hart comes in the room. Throughout the entire rest of the lecture though, he can’t stop thinking about their ‘conversation’ with each other, especially him saying ‘only my friends get to call me that’.

He knows Louis is stubborn, but he had thought, with time, they’d be friends again. But this ‘conversation’ has proven to him that he’s probably never going to get back his Lou. And that thought alone, for him, is scarier and more hurtful than any insults Louis can throw at him…

***

“You wanted to see me, Mrs. Hart?” Zayn is standing in her office, worried as heck. When he got an email this morning from her telling him to come to her office hours, his anxiety went on overdrive. University lecturers never tell their individual students to see them during office hours, it’s always the student scheduling an appointment with the lecturers…

“Yes, please sit.” She motions to the only chair in the cubicle other than her own. He obliges. After writing a grade on one paper and moving it out of the way, she turns to face him. “Zayn, I try not to get involved in my students’ lives, because it’s none of my business. But when it starts to get in the way of my lecture, then it becomes my business.”

He takes a deep breath. So that’s where this is going. “Yeah, alright…”

“I said no one in my lecture gets special treatment, and I meant it.” Her sternness is kind of scaring him, but he knows he deserves it.

“I know, I know. I don’t expect special treatment. Believe me, Mrs. Hart, I didn’t expect him to be here.”

“Yeah, I can tell that by how disruptive he’s been with most of his comments being personal attacks aimed at you.” He doesn’t understand why his first instinct is to defend Louis… She’s telling the truth.

“Listen, Zayn. You and Louis need to work out whatever problems you have with each other, because this constant back and forth is disruptive and, not to mention, getting on everyone’s nerves. Even the kids in the back who never say anything have told me more than once that, to use their words, they’re ‘fed up with this s***’.”

Zayn almost cackles imagining Jared and Chloe – the kids he knows she’s talking about – saying that to her. He doesn’t actually though because this is serious.

“Well, unfortunately, I don’t think that whole ‘working out problems’ thing is gonna work out very well…”

“You have to try though!” she tells him. “How are you supposed to know whether it’ll work out or not if you don’t try?”

“Oh, believe me, I have tried.” He flashes back to all the times he tried calling Louis after leaving the band, only to go to voicemail every time and then never get any calls back. “He doesn’t want me in his life though, and I’ve learned to accept it.”

“Have you really accepted it though Zayn?” Mrs. Hart asks genuinely. He doesn’t answer, staring down at the floor instead of looking at her. “I may not have been as big of a One Direction fan as my wife was and is, but I know genuine happiness when I see it. And you guys had it through your friendships with each other. Do you agree?”

Zayn doesn’t want to cut his lecturer off when all she’s trying to do is help, but this whole conversation is making him really anxious and he needs some space to breathe right now. “I’m sorry Mrs. Hart. I really do wish there was something I could do, you don’t realize how much I mean that, but I just… I have to go. I’m really sorry.”

He lifts his head and instead of staring at the floor, he stares at the ceiling so that his peripherals can pick up where he’s walking. He doesn’t look his lecturer in the eyes, not wanting to see her reaction to him walking out. She doesn’t say anything to convince him to stay though, so he decides to just trust that she will understand.

***

The next day, Zayn is working on a project for his History lecture. He’s been saving it what feels like every five seconds just to make sure there’s no chance any of it will be gotten rid of. He’s almost finished with it and ready to submit when suddenly he gets a notification from Skype.

He forgot that he left it up. He had it open because earlier he was talking to one of the members of his band about a possible meeting in the studio soon. He minimizes his work, hoping that whoever it is won’t have a lot to say so that he can wrap this up while he still has this weird essay writing buzz.

He pulls up the Skype screen and it’s Liam. He smiles. “Hi Liam.”

“Hi Zayn.” Liam doesn’t look as happy as he was last time they talked, but Zayn tells himself it’s probably just his anxiety playing tricks on him again. “How’s it going?”

“Well, I’m almost done with an essay I’m writing for a History project,” he tells him. “We’re writing about political cartoons right now.” He pauses for a moment to check the time. He’s relieved because he still has an hour left to submit his paper. “What about you? What’s up with you?”

“Uh, not much.” A pause. Liam’s expression is definitely looking not very good right now. He seems distracted as well, looking over his shoulder several times. Zayn wants to ask what’s wrong, but Liam keeps talking. “Umm Zayn, has Louis been acting… differently in lecture lately?”

Zayn clears his throat awkwardly. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“He’s been acting strange lately. He’s been crying to me on the phone about how bad lecture is going for him and stuff.”

“I don’t understand.” He really doesn’t. Why would Louis be crying over their lecture? From the things he’s heard, Louis is doing pretty well grades-wise and it’s not like anybody else in the lecture dares say anything to him, at least not publicly.

“Zayn, come on. What has he been saying in lecture? To you, about you?”

“Why does it matter?” Zayn really doesn’t wanna talk about this. He wants to get back to his essay. “Why is it that the only thing people want to talk to me about is my bad blood with Louis or whatever? Why can’t we for once just talk about my family, your dog, your girlfriend, this essay? Heck, literally anything _but_ that.”

Liam’s frown that he’s had on his face for several minutes now becomes even bigger. “It matters because I care about you two. And I don’t want you two to be so mad at each other that it starts affecting your mental health…”

 _Too late for that_ , Zayn thinks sadly. He almost thinks about telling him, almost thinks that maybe if he and Liam talk about it there will be a solution. But then Louis’ warning from a few days ago repeats in his mind…

_“I don’t want you talking to him about me. We’re not friends, and you don’t get to talk to my friends about me.”_

He sighs and looks in Liam’s eyes, feeling the sobs starting to form. “I’m sorry Liam, I can’t. He and I are not friends, and I shouldn’t be talking about him with his friends.” He sniffles. “I’ll talk to you another time… Maybe.”

“Zayn, wait-” He goes offline before Liam can finish that sentence and retreats back to his essay, only thirty minutes remaining until it’s due. He half-hearts the conclusion, not really feeling the buzz anymore, and submits it.

He subconsciously finds himself praying to Allah that Louis is okay, because as much as he doesn’t want to, he really is worried about the boy based on what Liam said. At the same time, he wishes people would stop talking to him about Louis for the same reason: he cares too much and knows the feeling is no longer mutual.

***

The next Tuesday, Zayn shows up to creative writing lecture and doesn’t look anybody in the eye as he takes his usual seat and pulls out his notebook and pencil. Yesterday was the last day to drop a lecture and not have it put a dent in your transcript, and he almost did it with this lecture as it’s already turned out to be more trouble than it’s worth.

However, something in him told him not to do it, to just wait it out until the end despite the scariness, so that’s what he’s going to do. After all, how can it get any worse than it already has?

“Today I’m assigning group projects!” Mrs. Hart announces.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” he mutters.

“We’ve been learning about a lot of different types of writing over the course of this lecture,” she continues, getting some sheets of paper out and shuffling them. “And now I’m gonna ask you to combine them.”

“Combine them…?” Zayn whispers to himself, trying to figure out what that means.

“For the next several weeks, you and your assigned partner will pick an event – any event – and choose two to three mediums of writing to describe your feelings on that event.” She sets the stack of papers down for a moment. “When I say event, it can be anything really. If you two know each other, it can be a moment – good or bad – you shared with each other when you were little. If you don’t know each other, then I encourage you to get to know each other and figure out similar experiences you’ve both been through, like, I don’t know, your first days in University, your best friends moving away, anything like that…”

“When is this gonna be due?” one of the students, Rosie, asks.

“It won’t be due until the second to last week of lecture,” Mrs. Hart answers. “That way, we will have enough time for every group to go, as well as one extra week for people who will be late. You will also present at least one thing from your project to the lecture.” The lecture groans, except for one kid who looks weirdly excited about this.

She starts going around the room and handing out papers. “If I decide your project is too graphic – either violently or sexually -” she makes eye contact with Joey, who just smirks, unashamed “- then I reserve the right to tell you to not present. But don’t let that stop you if you really feel inspired by whatever experience it is. Just remember this will count for 40% of your grade, so make sure it’s good.”

Zayn looks down at the paper, currently turned face down. He’s afraid to turn it over and see what it says, but it turns out he doesn’t have to.

“WHAT?!” Louis screams from the other side of the room. _Yep_ , Zayn thinks. _That’s what I was afraid of._

Mrs. Hart ignores it though. “Alright, everybody go sit with your partners for the remainder of lecture. Start figuring out what you’re going to do and stuff.” She smiles and Zayn detects a bit of passive-aggressiveness in her face. Whatever, he’ll just have to do what she did and ignore it.

He sighs, swallows his pride, and gets up because he knows there’s no way Louis is coming up here. As he passes by the other desks, it almost feels like other people sitting with their partners are giving him sympathetic looks. He’d rather they didn’t, because it’s just making him feel more awkward by the second…

He sits down on the chair next to Louis, awkwardly playing with the strings on his backpack. He waits for Louis to start the conversation, not wanting to anger him by going first and saying something he doesn’t like.

However, after several minutes of the two of them just sitting there and looking anywhere but at each other, he decides to speak finally.

“So… what do you think we should do our project on?”

“I think,” Louis responds. “That we should do it on nothing. I would rather fail than have to do an assignment with you of all people.”

“See, I would say the same, except it counts for 40% of our grade. If it was a regular assignment I’d be okay with failing but-”

“Oh my goshhh,” Louis draws out. “You think that matters to me? You think I actually care whether I pass or fail this lecture?”

Louis is really testing Zayn’s patience right now, but he also knows Louis well and knows that, right now, he’s talking out of his butt.

“Actually, yes, I think you do.” Finally Louis makes eye contact with him, and Zayn’s breath hitches. He tries to pass it off as a quick cough and continues, not wanting to lose Louis’ attention. “Look I understand we may not be friends anymore. But I know you, I do. And I know that you really do want to succeed in this lecture. You want to be able to tell your mum and sisters and Liam and Niall that you aced it.”

“You don’t know me at all…” Louis mutters, turning away again. Zayn can still see in his eyes that he secretly knows he’s right though.

Maybe all Louis needs right now is time. Zayn will give him time. As long as there’s enough ‘time’ for them to get started on this project…

He decides to doodle things in his notebook to pass the time until lecture is over instead of bothering him anymore for now.

Several minutes pass until finally it’s time for lecture to be over. “Alright, remember to exchange numbers or Facebooks or something so that you and your partner will be able to keep in touch even when we’re not in lecture.”

Zayn knows he should get up and leave, but Louis is staying in place and for some reason that makes Zayn have to stay in place too. The rest of the students all clear out, but the two of them stay glued to their seats.

Mrs. Hart is writing on a piece of paper, but she sees the two of them out of the corner of her eye, so she smirks. “You two better hurry out, you want to be ready when it’s time for your next lecture.”

“This is my only lecture.” Louis replies. His tone and face are annoyed, and Zayn already knows where this is going. He’s ready to go there too.

“All my other lectures are online,” Zayn says.

“How convenient,” she tells them. “You should still probably get out of here because a maths lecturer needs this room in 45 minutes and I really don’t want to be-”

“Why did you put us in the same group?” Zayn surprises himself by being the first to speak up. “You said yourself that we were being too disruptive to/about each other! How could you literally start an office hours meeting with me over that and then go and put us into a group? This doesn’t make any sense!”

“You two need to work out your tension.” Zayn rolls his eyes so hard he almost thinks they’re going to go to the back of his head.

“No we really don’t!” Louis yells. “Look, if you’re angry about my comments or whatever, I’ll stop.” Zayn scoffs under his breath because he doubts Louis could do that if he tried. “Just don’t make me be in a group with this jerk. We don’t have any ‘tension’ to work out. We hate each other, plain and simple.”

“Sorry, too late. If you didn’t want me to do this maybe you should have just kept your comments to yourself in the first place.” She looks up from her papers. “When you’re disruptive in my lecture, I don’t take it lightly. I told you from day one, Tomlinson.”

“So why don’t you just drop me from the lecture or switch me to another lecturer or something instead?!” Louis demands.

“Because that wouldn’t be a punishment,” she says. “If I had just dropped you from this lecture, you wouldn’t learn your lesson. You would just be happy because you’re out of the lecture, instead of truly sorry for your actions.”

“So?! Why do you care whether I learn my lesson or not? If I’m out of your lecture, I’m out of your lecture…”

“Listen, boys.” She gets up and walks towards them, putting her hands on their desk. “I know this is going to be a hard thing for you. I didn’t assign you two together because I wanted it to be easy. But I know that this is going to be a learning experience for both of you. Not just about learning to keep your mouth shut in my lecture, but also learning about each other.”

“I’ve already learned enough about him!” Zayn objects.

“Yeah, me too!” Louis seconds. “I’ve learned enough to know that he’s an a***. What else do I need to know?”

“Sorry,” Mrs. Hart shrugs. “But my decision is final. Now, I recommend that you two make sure you have the right phone numbers for each other. I have to go now, because my office hours are starting soon and like I said, the maths students need this room.”

She starts heading back over to her desk and grabs her papers. Before she leaves, she says one last thing. “Even if you aren’t able to trust each other right now, trust me. I’ve been in this job for a lot of years now, and I know what I’m doing. Writing is a powerful tool, and even if you think you know everything about someone, one look at their writing can change everything. Goodbye. See you Thursday.”

After she walks out the door, Louis looks at Zayn for a second, as if trying to figure out by looking at his face if Mrs. Hart is right or not. He turns away again. “Yeah, that woman has truly lost her marbles…”


	3. The Project

“Louis what are you doing?” Zayn asks, looking over at his paper for a brief second, but it’s long enough to tell that Louis is obviously not focusing on any ideas for their project.

“I’m making it look like I’m actually doing something so that Mrs. Hart won’t realize I’m not doing anything.”

It’s Thursday. The two boys haven’t talked to each other at all since two days ago. Their lecturer has, once again, made them sit with their partners to discuss things about their project.

“Can’t we talk about ideas for the project for like one second?”

“I thought we already decided that we’d rather fail than acknowledge that project.” He smiles passive-aggressively.

“No, _you_ **pretended** to decide that.” Zayn inhales. “I don’t want to get a failing grade, and I know you don’t actually want to get one either. Please, can you just put your hate for me aside for one second so we can work on this together?”

“Hmm…” Louis pretends to think for a second. “Nope.” He returns to doodling things in his notebook.

Zayn takes a deep breath in order to stop himself from doing something he regrets. “Alright, you know what Louis? We’re both making this more complicated than it needs to be. All we have to do is choose an event and decide what type of writing each of us will do, and then we won't even really have to work together. We just put each of our pieces together at the end of lecture and never speak to each other again. Yeah?”

Louis looks like he’s about to reply, but before he can, Mrs. Hart speaks. “Alright, lecture over. I hope you made some progress today. Remember to make sure you keep in touch with each other even when we don’t have lecture. See you all next week.”

Zayn is about to say something else – although he’s not sure what – but Louis immediately gets his stuff and leaves. Zayn sighs. How are they ever going to get this done?

***

Out of other options and not sure what else he can do, Zayn decides to Skype Liam that night. It feels like forever passes before he finally gets online, and when he does he looks scared.

“Hi Liam.”

“Oh, uh… Hi Zayn…” He awkwardly rubs the back of his neck. “Listen, I’m really sorry about the last time we talked. I should’ve known it was a sensitive subject and not pushed you like that. We don’t have to talk about Louis, okay?” He takes a sip of water. “So, what’s up?”

“We need to talk about Louis.”

Liam chuckles. “Of course.”

 “Look, I know I shouldn’t be doing this, because you’re his friend and I’m… not.” He fakes a cough to cover up the weird sad sound he makes. He’s not sure it works… “But that’s the thing. You’re his friend and I’m not.”

“What’s your point?” Liam asks genuinely, no judgment in his face.

He bites his lip, trying to think of the best way to ease into the subject. Ultimately he realizes there’s no way to ease into it though, so he jumps right in. “Me and Louis have been assigned to do a group project together.”

Liam’s eyes widen. “So that’s what he’s been gibberish-ing about lately…”

“Yeah.” Zayn tries not to laugh at Liam making up the word ‘gibberish-ing’. This is supposed to be serious. “Anyway, he says he’d rather fail than work with me on this project that counts for 40% of our grade. I know he’s lying. I know he doesn’t really want to fail, he’s just saying that because he doesn’t want to work with me.” Liam nods, agreeing.

“Anyway, I know I shouldn’t be talking to you about this, but I’ve tried everything at this point, and he’s not budging.” He shakes his head. “I know he’ll listen to you. He trusts you. So can I please count on you to talk to him? Neither of us was expecting this, but it happened and we have to deal with it now.”

Liam keeps nodding. “Alright, I will. You can count on me, I promise.” He smiles, and Zayn returns it.

“Thank you, Liam. I love you.”

“I love you too. Anyway… enough about this drama for now.” He laughs. “Have you checked out the new Pokémon Go game yet?”

“Have I!” Zayn responds. “Liam, don’t insult me. It’s only all I’ve been doing in my small amount of free time.”

Liam giggles and for the next few hours, they talk to each other about the game and what Pokémon they have caught and where so far.

After they’re done, Zayn feels much better. Liam really does have a way of making him know everything is going to be alright, even if it doesn’t seem like it yet.

That night, for the first time in a while, he goes to sleep with a smile on his face.

***

Head on the pillow, probably leaving drool marks all over the beautiful spaceship design, it’s only lunchtime and Zayn is unconscious. Between studio time, making sure all his homework is turned in, and trying to somehow find time to write and draw, it’s amazing he was even able to wait until lunchtime before collapsing.

He had planned to just take a short nap, lasting thirty minutes at most, before jumping back into everything, but here he is instead, dreaming about an alien that has Harry’s face. He’s had this dream a few times actually.

When it’s about to get to the part where Harry the alien takes over the Earth, he’s startled awake by a sound. He almost screams because he thinks it’s the sound of Harry the alien destroying his parents’ house, but when he wakes up he sees it’s just his phone ringing.

He doesn’t recognize the number, but part of him wants to tell whoever it is to f*** off for interrupting his sleep, so he answers anyway. “Hello?”

“Hi…” It’s Louis. He sounds like he just woke up too. “So, Liam gave me your phone number.” An awkward silence follows for a few minutes.

“Umm… Okay?” Zayn questions, not sure how Louis expects him to respond to that.

“Alright fine!” Louis interjects, catching Zayn off guard because he literally only said one word. “We’ll do the dumb project together. But don’t expect me to enjoy it or anything.”

“Of course not.”

“So, like, save this number to your phone or whatever. I’ll text you with some ideas. Okay? Good, see ya later, bye.” He hangs up before Zayn can respond to any of that.

Zayn tries to digest all of what just happened. It proves to be too difficult with his sleepy brain, so he decides to just plug Louis’ number into his phone and delete the old one he still had saved.

As he looks at the time, he mentally freaks out over how long he slept. It’s already 3:00. He grumbles and drags himself over to the computer to start working on his Maths. Gosh he hates Maths so much.

***

Since starting University, Zayn has had next to no time to spend with his sisters and parents. This morning he made triple sure he got all his due assignments in early. He then proceeded to walk into his closet with his phone on his shoulder, talking to his mom while picking out his most presentable looking clothes.

Fast forward a few hours and here he is with his parents and sisters, talking about everything and nothing. They all tell each other how their last month has been; Zayn tries his best to avoid talking about the project that’s been burning a hole in his brain, but his family is too good at prodding.

“So, Zayn, how’s your creative writing lecture going?” Trisha asks.

“Uh… It’s going fine I guess.” Zayn shrugs.

“Just fine?” Yaser raises an eyebrow. “With how much you really wanted to take it I thought it would be more than just ‘fine’…”

“Well… Like I said, it is just fine…” He can feel their eyes staring him down, almost as if they can see through his core. He plays with his fingers in his lap, avoiding their eyes as best he can.

“Zayn…” Trisha has that concerned tone in her voice that he hates so much, because he can’t hold back anything from her when she talks like that. “What’s wrong, dear?”

“How does ‘it’s fine’ translate to something’s wrong?” He tries his best to sound as convincingly confused as possible. It obviously doesn’t work though.

“When you were so excited about this lecture originally and now you can barely look us in the eyes when talking about it,” she continues. “Come on, what’s going on?”

“Does the lecturer suck?” Safaa offers.

Zayn chuckles at that, and silently wishes that was all it was. “You could say that I guess…” He finally looks up and sees all of them staring at him with confused faces. He quickly realizes there’s no way out of this one, so, taking a deep breath, he lets it all out. “Louis is in lecture with me.”

“Oh honey-”

He cuts his dad off. “Not only that, but he and I have now been given a group assignment to complete with each other.”

“That sounds fun!” Waliyha says. Everybody turns toward her with judging expressions. “What? I like doing group assignments at my school.”

“Have you ever gotten assigned to do one with somebody you don’t like though?” Doniya questions.

“No, I guess not…” Waliyha admits, frowning in sympathy.

“Dear, what is the assignment on?” Trisha asks sweetly. “What do you two have to do for it?”

“We’re like, meant to pick an event that the two of us shared with each other,” Zayn explains, subconsciously reaching into his pocket for his phone. “And pick two to three types of writing to do saying our point of view on said event.”

“That sounds easy,” Safaa tells him. “You two have a lot of shared events with each other.” Waliyha elbows her. “Hey, what was that for?”

Zayn chuckles lightly. “Yeah, you’d think so… But he keeps throwing out ideas like ‘childhood’ or ‘growing up with the Olympics and then getting to perform there’ and none of it really…”

Speak of the devil, right at that moment he receives a text from Louis with another idea.

**_LT:_ ** _what if we did it on our x factor auditions ? *upside down smiley face*_

He immediately feels like his eyes are going to bulge out of his head. He tries to relax his face as he turns back to his family though.

“Would you excuse me?” he asks them in a voice that’s a little too cheery and sounds as passive-aggressive as he feels. “I have to make a call that isn’t appropriate for Safaa’s ears.”

“I’m thirteen now…” Safaa tries, but he’s already heading toward his room with a purpose.

As soon as he closes the door he promptly dials Louis’ number. He almost expects him to not answer, but apparently he’s feeling generous today and answers on the second ring.

“What do you want?” he answers, and those four words alone pluck Zayn’s nerves like an out of tune guitar.

“What do _I_ want? No, the question is what is it _you_ want, Louis?” Zayn demands. “What is your problem exactly?”

“With you? I don’t know, you got all day?”

“Oh stop being annoying for just one f***ing second in your f***ing life!” Zayn rolls his eyes. All the anger he’s been trying to hold in for the past several weeks is finally coming out with a vengeance. “You think you’re real funny, suggesting that f***ing prompt? ‘Our X Factor auditions’? Yeah, like I wouldn’t notice what your intention with that is…”

“Zayn, what the heck are you on about right now?” Louis sounds confused now. That’s cute, Zayn thinks.

“Don’t be f***ing obtuse!” Zayn knows he’s swearing like every five seconds, but guess what he doesn’t give? “I know that s*** was a subtle dig at me. You offered our auditions as a suggestion because I originally wanted to do it alone from the start and now you're mad that I'm doing just that now!”

“I offered that as a f***ing suggestion because it was a f***ing experience we both shared.” Louis is practically spitting each word. “But if you want to read that deeply into it, go ahead. Nothing out of the ordinary for you, I suppose.”

“Nothing out of the ordinary for you to try to make me feel bad for every f***ing thing I do!” Zayn spits back. “You want me to feel bad for leaving or whatever? Well guess what, I f***ing don’t. Especially now that I know you’re actually a piece of s*** who only cares about himself and no one else.”

“Pfft, pot and a**hole kettle much?”

“F*** you Louis,” Zayn says. “I’m sending an email to Mrs. Hart. I don’t care if I f***ing fail anymore. I never want to see your ugly face again.”

“Likewise,” Louis agrees in that annoying as heck passive-aggressive voice.

Zayn hangs up before Louis can, turning off his phone all the way and throwing it across the room, not wanting to even look at it. He decides he’s going to take a nap. Yeah, that’s what he’s going to do. And he doesn’t care what his family or anyone else thinks right now.

A few hours later, when he wakes up, the first thing he sees in front of him is his parents. He screams for a second, having not expected them to be there. He recovers quickly though.

“How long have you two been sitting there?” He asks in a negative tone, feeling bad about how it sounds.

“Zayn,” Yaser starts, ignoring the question. “Me and your mother are worried about you.”

“Oh yeah? Welcome to the club…” He laughs awkwardly.

Yaser and Trisha look at each other, then turn back to him. “Zayn, running from things will only make them worse,” Trisha tells him.

“I’m not running from anything!” He objects, and shortly after realizes how loud and angry-sounding that was. “Sorry…”

“We need to talk about the elephant in the room…” She continues.

“Oh yeah, that painting I did of an elephant for Safaa’s birthday. She said they were her favorite animal.” He smiles to hide the pain he’s still feeling from that phone call earlier.

“Son,” Yaser tries now, walking closer and putting a hand on his shoulder. “We really think it would be the best idea if you and Louis were to do your project on you leaving the band.”

“WHAT?!” Zayn sits up too fast, feeling dizzy from the motion. He opts to slowly lay back down instead. “No, no, absolutely not. That’s a terrible idea.”

“Zayn, it’s obvious you and Louis’ tension began when your time as a member of One Direction ended,” Trisha points out. “I don’t doubt Mrs. Hart put you two together for a reason. Do you?”

Zayn flashes back to that day during office hours where he had to walk out on her, as well as the day where she told the two boys she knew what she was doing. “No, I definitely think she put us together for a reason…”

She nods. “Exactly. And the assignment is to write about an experience you two shared. You two definitely shared this experience, but you haven’t really had the chance to communicate your feelings with each other regarding it. This is your chance to finally do so.”

It makes sense, Zayn thinks. “Okay but even if I did suggest that, at this point, he is – once again – not talking to me. And I really doubt he’s ever going to agree to doing that for our project. It’s probably like number negative zero on his list of topics to write about…”

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Yaser replies. “You never know, he may be thinking the same thing about you.” He puts a kiss on his son’s forehead and starts walking away.

Trisha also gives Zayn a kiss on the cheek and a small hug. “And please come out to eat soon, darling. I made samosas just for you tonight.”

He nods and promises he will come to eat some. Before he can move though, he just sits there thinking for a little bit, wondering how awful Tuesday is going to be for both of them…

***

That night, Zayn had tried to text Louis. He felt extremely awkward as he turned the phone back on and went to the “Messages” tab. He cringed as he read the “X Factor” text again and started typing.

**_Z:_ ** _im not e-mailing mrs hart , i promise … please message me back bc i have an idea 4 the project ._

He didn’t receive a response though. After staying up waiting longer than he should have, he eventually gave in and went to sleep, not wanting to be that person who sends a second text when they don’t text back, especially not with someone he doesn’t like.

Now, it’s Tuesday and Zayn is walking to his usual seat in the front of the lecture theatre. _Maybe I’ll be lucky this time,_ he thinks to himself. _Maybe she won’t even make us work on our projects today and will talk about something else for once…_

“Alright all, get in your groups!” Mrs. Hart announces on her arrival. _Un-freakin-believable_.

Zayn tries to just pretend he didn’t hear her. He lets the partners of the two people sitting next to him shimmy past him. Then he gets a reminder that there are only four seats here, and Sabrina’s partner needs his seat.

“Hey dude, move it,” Sabrina pushes him lightly. “Alexandria needs that seat.”

“This is my seat,” Zayn murmurs, even though he knows he’s being obtuse. He doesn’t care, he would rather be obtuse than move where he’s supposed to be. “Tell Alexandria to pick another seat.”

“Excuse me?!” Alexandria demands. Zayn really doesn’t want this to escalate, but he also doesn’t want to be anywhere near Louis’ desk either…

“Hey, what’s going on here?” Mrs. Hart arrives on the scene, looking back and forth between Zayn and Alexandria.

“He’s refusing to move!” Alexandria is heated right now. He doesn’t blame her; he’d be mad at him too. “And me and Sabrina really need to talk about the direction this project is gonna go in.” He has to really work hard to stop himself from laughing at ‘direction’ – darn him and his puns.

“Zayn,” Mrs. Hart says. He looks up, trying to keep as neutral an expression as possible. “Go sit next to Louis or I’m marking you absent for the day.”

He looks back and forth between Alexandria and Mrs. Hart, both of whose expressions are burning into his soul. He decides that he really doesn’t want to start a big fiasco over this, so he takes his backpack and goes to the other side of the room slowly but surely.

When he sits down, Louis doesn’t acknowledge his existence. Not that he expected any less after a few nights ago…

He decides to try his luck anyway and ask, “So… Did you get my text a few nights ago?”

No response, not even a blink of acknowledgement or anything. That’s alright, Zayn thinks. He can do this. Just ignore, do a drawing or something… Yeah, that’ll work.

 _Any minute now he’s going to be the first to break_ , Zayn keeps thinking. _Any… minute… now…_

Zayn soon realizes it’s been like forty five minutes and he still has yet to draw anything, not even a line or a dot. He’s just been staring at the paper, waiting for something to come to him. He tells himself that Louis’ probably doing the same thing, but when he looks over at the other boy’s paper for a split second he can tell from that second alone that Louis’ done a lot in this period of time.

The silence. It’s eating him alive. He realizes now that he honestly prefers when Louis is screaming at him or making passive aggressive remarks about him to this complete, utter, silence. He always heard the phrase “silence is too loud” but never truly understood what it meant until now.

He tries to tell himself that it’s ridiculous of him to miss screaming matches and passive aggressive matches so much. Isn’t this what he wanted? Isn’t this the whole reason they screamed at each other in the first place? Because they don’t _want_ to communicate with each other anymore, in any way, shape, or form. They _want_ it to be this quiet. Don’t they?

Doesn’t he? He does, he tells himself. He wants this silence, this distance. They aren’t meant to be friends. If Louis didn’t want to be friends with him after 4.5 years of being in a band together, what made Mrs. Hart think they could all turn it around and bury the hatchet after just a few weeks in University together? She was wrong. She _is_ wrong. They’re both going to get fails over this, and Zayn’s trying to learn to be okay with that.

He looks around the room, trying to find solace in them not being the only two struggling to pull this project together. He finds no such thing, however. Everybody else is laughing, smiling, and just overall engaging with each other. There’s no sign of a struggle anywhere else but here, where the two partners can’t even look each other in the eye for more than .1 millisecond.

Zayn feels like, even though people are busy with their own projects and lives, all eyes are on him and Louis. Like everybody else is above water but the two of them are falling down, down into the ocean, trying to call for help but nobody listens. He feels his breathing going harsh, having a difficult time with taking deep breaths in and out. In, out. In, out. Only it comes out shriveled and not at all healthy sounding.

He needs to get out of here. He can’t stay in here any longer. Finally, it’s like someone has seen him drowning and is bringing him safely to the shore.

“Okay, lecture time’s over,” Mrs. Hart announces. Zayn has never been more grateful to hear those words. “Except for you, Zayn and Louis. I need to talk to you two.” Everybody else immediately scrambles after that, taking that more than anything else as their cue to leave.

“No, no.” He’s shaking really hard and it’s been made worse now by fear of whatever it is that Mrs. Hart has to say. “I’ve gotta get out of here.”

“You can’t yet,” she says. “We really need to talk about this.”

“No, n-no I mean I really need to get out of here or I might-” he’s clutching his chest with his trembling hands. Everything around him is becoming a blur. “Please. Please.”

She seems to really take him in all of a sudden and gasps. “Yes, by all means. Go and do whatever you need to do, and come back when you’re ready okay?”

He nods as best he can and carefully walks out of the room. He just barely opens the door to the bathroom and gets into one of the stalls in time. He pukes into the toilet, not bothering to flush it yet. He then proceeds to sit on the floor of the stall, breathing in and out the best he can. He tries to think about his sisters, about his parents, about something that can calm him down.

He doesn’t know how long he stays on that floor, rocking back and forth and trying to calm down. He’s almost afraid his lecturer will be mad at him for taking so long, even if he knows logically that’s ridiculous.

When he enters the room again though, they’re still sitting there.

“Okay,” he says, walking over and standing next to the table because he doesn’t trust himself to sit down just yet. “Please go ahead and tell us what you need to tell us.” He really doesn’t want to stay here longer than he has to, or else he’s afraid he might have another attack in front of them, and he doesn’t want that.

“Alright.” She clears her throat and talks as gently as she can, probably to make sure he doesn’t start feeling worse. He appreciates it. “You two are the only people in the lecture who have yet to start on your project.”

“Are we? What a huge honor.” Zayn tries to scoff at Louis but it’s too hard right now, so he just opts for silently judging him instead.

“No, it’s not an honor at all. Was I not clear enough when I said it counts for 40% of your grade?” She has a weird way of speaking both calm and angry at the same time, Zayn admires that to be honest. “If you two don’t think of something soon you will both be withdrawn from the lecture and receive F’s on your transcript.”

Louis will probably deny it later, but Zayn can see in his eyes how hurt he is hearing that. “Wait,” Zayn announces before the other boy can speak. They both turn to face him. “I have an idea for the project. And Louis, I know you’re probably going to hate me for suggesting it at first, but you already hate me for existing so what else is new?”

“Oh yeah?” Mrs. Hart looks intrigued. She helps him to finally sit back down in his seat, very gently. She’s a very caring lecturer, he thinks. “What are you thinking of as a prompt?”

He turns to Louis who is actually looking at him. “Please don’t scream,” he begs.

Louis rolls his eyes, but nods anyway. “Whatever. Just get to the point.”

Zayn covers his ears anyway, just in case. “I think we should do it on me leaving the band.”

Instead of screaming though, Louis just chuckles. “Oh so me suggesting the X Factor auditions is somehow biased against you or whatever, but you suggesting this isn’t biased at all.” He makes sure his sarcasm is obvious in those last few words.

“I know,” Zayn removes his hands from his ears. “I thought it was a horrible idea at first too, but… We haven’t really gotten to communicate with each other about what we really _felt_ after it happened.”

“Oh you communicated it well enough by up and leaving in the middle of the tour and then calling our music trash…” Louis challenges, still keeping that calm demeanor in spite of it.

“I don’t think I really have,” Zayn tells him. “And we can suggest all the other prompts we want but I think we both know, in the end, that this is really the one we need to do our project on. It’s an event we shared, and it’s an event both of us have strong feelings on. Feelings that we haven’t really gotten the chance to communicate with each other until now.

“And even if you write a story where all the main character does is stab me in the neck a few thousand times, I still think that’s what you need… What we both need.” Zayn gives him that famous pleading pout that Niall always did when he wanted Louis to play with him.

“Your pouts don’t work on me,” Louis insists. He holds his super angry exterior for a moment, but then sighs. “Alright, fine. We can do it on the worst day of my life if you insist. There, are you happy Mrs. Hart?”

They both turn back to face her and she’s just sitting there, smirk on her face as she nods approvingly. “Well done, boys. I’m sure this will be one of the best projects in the lecture. I can’t wait to see it.”

Zayn and Louis look at each other for a moment and they’re both thinking the same thing at that moment: this was Mrs. Hart’s plan all along, and they fell right into it. Hopefully they didn’t just make the worst decision they’ve ever made – because both of them have made some pretty dumb decisions together in the past…

***

**_Z:_ ** _d’ya wanna get a headstart and meet up at the library to work on our project or summat ?_

**_LT:_ ** _no , seeing your face in lecture is already more than enough for me . *upside down smiley face* I’ll just see you on Thursday , bye._

Zayn just rolls his eyes reading the text, trying to fight the really strong urge to reply back with something equally passive-aggressive, or just plain aggressive. He starts typing something, but then realizes he needs to save his energy for this history homework, so he turns the phone off completely.

The next day, after spending a few minutes talking about ways to find inspiration in the most unexpected places, Mrs. Hart just does a quick hand motion and everybody somehow immediately knows that means to get in their groups.

At first Zayn is worried that the silence will consume him again, but thankfully as soon as he sits down Louis speaks.

“Alright, so we never really decided what medium each of us wanted to do, so how about we get started with that?” He starts. “Mrs. Hart said all together our group could have two to three mediums, so I guess I’ll do one and you’ll do one. Which one do you want to do?”

Zayn is about to say song lyrics, but then his mind flashes back to the beginning of University when Louis said he was hoping this lecture would help him to work on his songwriting so he’d be more prepared when One Direction came off their break.

Part of him still wants to mess with Louis and say ‘song lyrics’ as payback for… well, for a lot of things. The slightly bigger part of his brain, though, is telling him not to do that. Why is that?

“Zayn? We don’t got all day here!” Louis demands. He’s not making eye contact with him, so hopefully he can’t see when Zayn rolls his eyes.

“Alright, I’ll do poetry,” he answers, because that’s close enough. It’s really easy to turn poetry into song lyrics with a little re-working, he’s done it before.

Louis writes that down on a piece of paper. Zayn personally thinks they don’t need to write it down, he’ll remember it. Louis pauses for a moment.

“Wait a minute,” he actually looks at Zayn now, studying him. “You picked poetry? You didn’t jump at the chance to pick songwriting first? What gives?”

Zayn shrugs. “I’m allowed to like more than one medium. Besides, I’ve been doing a lot of poetry lately. It’s fun.” It’s not a complete lie, Zayn tells himself. He has done like, a few poems here and there since starting this lecture, including that big unresolved one he wrote on the first day of lecture.

Louis stares at him for a moment, disbelieving, but eventually shakes it off. “Whatever, your loss. I’m definitely doing songwriting now.”

Throughout the rest of lecture, Zayn finds himself going back to that question. What _does_ give? Why didn’t he say songwriting? Why did he think twice? Louis wouldn’t have thought twice, he would have just said songwriting, forget Zayn’s feelings.

Is it because Zayn simply doesn’t want to start another fight in Mrs. Hart’s lecture theatre, or is it something else?

***

A few weeks pass of them going like that: working together during lecture the best they can and ignoring each other’s existences on days they don’t have lecture. It’s been going pretty well for them, or so they think.

One day, before they get into groups, Zayn hears two of the people next to him – Sabrina and Luke – talking about how their projects are going with their partners.

“Yeah,” Sabrina says. “I think I might actually finish early to be honest. Alexandria and I have been on fire.”

“Me too,” Luke agrees. “We’ve honestly only got like, a few things to go over and that’s it.” He shrugs. “This assignment isn’t hard at all, I don’t know how anyone could ever complain about it.”

After hearing that, Zayn feels like there’s a camera on him and he’s looking into it like he’s on The Office or something.

When they all go to their groups, as soon as Zayn sits down he doesn’t delay in speaking. “Louis, I have something to tell you…”

“Really. I have something to tell you too.”

Zayn is usually smarter than this and knows better to talk before Louis says his piece first, but this is really important.

“We’re way behind schedule.” When he gets done saying it, he blinks, realizing he and Louis both said it at the exact same time.

“Jinx,” Louis tells him. “You can’t talk until I say your name.” Zayn scoffs, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t know that was coming. Louis’ always been one to still play silly games like that.

He’s not sure why, but he plays along anyway. He makes a face that he hopes conveys ‘what are we going to do?’

“Oh I am loving this,” Louis leans back in his chair. “Can it just stay like this forever? You not speaking and me making all the decisions?” Zayn glares at him, then grabs a sheet of paper and quickly writes down ‘what are we going to do about this, tw*t?’

Louis sees Zayn holding the paper up to him and sighs. “Why does someone always have to ruin this game by cheating?” He sits back up in his chair. “Well, I guess there’s only one thing we can do really. We have to meet each other outside of lecture. In a public place of course, so that way I’ll have witnesses if you run away for no reason.”

Zayn raises an eyebrow, trying to ask ‘are you serious?’ He understood the joke – him running away without reason, leaving the band without reason, hilarious – but is Louis serious about going out into public places? That’s a terrible idea. They’d be spotted immediately and the paparazzi would be everywhere.

“I’m kidding!” He puts on an obvious fake smile and says under his breath, “Mostly.” He clears his throat in an attempt to hide that. “As much as I hate to admit it, I think we both know there’s only one solution here.” Zayn nods, but then Louis stops talking after that.

Zayn is confused, and gets more and more confused by the minute. Almost twenty minutes pass, and that confusion has turned into overwhelming anger now. What is the one solution here?

He taps Louis on the shoulder and gives him a look of gigantic fire. “What?” Louis asks innocently, adding more fuel to Zayn’s fire. “Oh, you’re waiting for what the solution is? I thought you would come up with one.”

Zayn points to his lips angrily because this b**** is the one who made it so he couldn’t talk and yet he expected him to say the solution?

Louis cracks up, snorting a bit. “You didn’t have to actually do it,” he says snarkily. “Like really, _Zayn_.” He puts emphasis on his name. “Especially after that thing I said about ‘this is the way it should always be’, I can’t believe you still listened to me.”

“Well, I-” he tries to talk, Louis’ laughter still interrupting him several times. “Listen, I have a little sister okay?! She and I play it all the time…”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Louis waves off that comment, obviously not believing his explanation for a second. “Anyways, does your _sister_ have any idea what the solution is?” He’s still giggling.

“We go to your house,” Zayn replies like it’s obvious.

“What?” Louis asks, his laughter immediately dying down.

“Think about Lou… uh, ie. Louis.” He hopes he’s not blushing from the tongue slip. “We can’t be seen in public, because the paparazzi would immediately be on the scene and you know it. And I know for a fact if we went to my house you’d just complain about everything.”

“Yeah…” Louis agrees with that, sounding more distant than angry right now. “Alright, I’ll text you my address. But no running away. And no coming over without warning.”

“Wouldn’t dream of either of those things.” Zayn promises.

The rest of the lecture continues in silence between them. This time though, it’s not a loud and consuming silence. It’s a quiet silence, exactly the way silence should be. Zayn doesn’t know how he’s going to feel being in Louis’ house when he’s not there as a friend this time, but he knew there was no way Louis was going to agree to go to his house and, whether they like it or not, they’re in this together…

***

Zayn is driving to Louis’ house. That’s such a weird thing for him to realize; after what feels like forever, he’s driving to Louis’ house again.

He finds it unusual, how he used to drive down this road all the time – not the same road of course, because Louis has moved since then – but now it’s like it’s unfamiliar territory all over again. On top of that, Louis had warned him that his mom might also be home, so that adds another layer to it. Zayn already knows how protective Louis’ mom can be of him.

As he parks and locks his car, he makes sure he has all his most important things in his bag just in case he needs to make a break for it for any reason. Inhaling and exhaling, he walks up and knocks on the door.

“Coming!” someone calls. Zayn immediately recognizes the voice as Louis’ mom, Jay. She opens the door, takes one look at him, and switches from a smile to a more passive aggressive face.

“Who’s there mum?!” Louis yells from inside.

“Oh, son, it looks like a snake found our address somehow I’m afraid!” she responds, both of them laughing super loud at that.

Zayn glares slightly. “Can I please come inside, Jay?”

“Wow, the snake can talk too!” she fake-gasps. “So advanced these days!”

He rolls his eyes. “Alright, I’m just gonna slide past you real quick.”

“No.” She asserts all of a sudden, any trace of humor gone like that. “Listen, you don’t get to just disappear on my son like that and then think you can just waltz right in here-” she pauses, looking around suspiciously. “How did you get this address? Are you stalking us or something? Zayn if you are…”

“I promise I’m not!” he interrupts, scared of what she’s going to do with him. He’s mentally recoiling into fetal position, but on the outside he’s trying his best to stay strong, though it’s not working very well…

At that moment though, Louis walks over and intervenes. “Mum, relax. You can put the guns down.” He points to her arms when he says ‘the guns’, since she’s not holding any actual guns (unless she’s hiding them in her shoes or something…).

“Unfortunately-” he tries to continue, but Zayn stops him right there.

“You mean you didn’t tell her I was coming? What the heck?! You tell her basically everything but you didn’t tell her _this_?!” He’s extremely shocked right now. He gets that Louis doesn’t want to be partners with him but how can he just invite Zayn over and then not tell his mom of all people?

Louis pretends not to hear that and tries, once again, to keep explaining things to his mom. “Me and the snake have slithered into the same lecture as each other-”

“Hold up,” Zayn stops him once again. “You didn’t tell her anything?! Are you serious? I thought you and your mum were besties or something! How could you not tell her that ‘the snake’ and you are in lecture together?”

It looks like Louis’ mom is also waiting for an answer to the question now, and Louis is sinking under pressure, though he’s trying to hide it. “I was afraid of what she would think…” he admits, almost inaudible.

“Why would you be scared of what I would think, darling?” Jay asks, switching from assertive to concerned.

“I don’t know mum. You were so proud of me for doing this creative writing lecture and I was afraid, if you knew he was one of my lecture mates, and, even worse, someone who was doing a group assignment with me, you would try to tell me to quit or something worse…” Now Louis is the one who is actually recoiling into a ball.

Jay walks up to him and sits down next to Louis and holds him in her arms. Zayn has to stop himself from walking up there and joining them. He wants to comfort Louis right now too, but he knows his touch would only make things worse instead of better. Besides, this is a mother-son moment. Three’s a crowd and whatnot…

Sighing, he resigns himself to sitting on the grass and just looking around at the garden, appreciating all the beautiful flowers they have, as well as looking in the clouds and telling himself what he thinks each one looks like. There’s a daisy on a motorcycle, there’s a gigantic panda, and ooh… There’s a gigantic butterfly capturing a bee.

After way too much time passes to count, Jay finally taps him on the shoulder. He turns around and she leans down to his ear. He prepares for the worst as she starts whispering. “Please don’t hurt my baby. He’s been through a lot of things, you know. If you do hurt him again, don’t be fooled by the way I look now, I will get you.”

He just nods wordlessly and watches as she walks away, keeping her eyes on both boys at the same time until she’s in the car and driving away.

“Alright!” Louis announces, trying to act like whatever just happened didn’t. “Let’s go inside now!”

As Zayn follows him inside, he almost feels like he’s walking on air – very fragile air. He wants to say something to Louis about what just happened, even though he knows it’s not his place. Still, that impulse to say something is growing bigger and stronger with every step he takes.

Finally they’re in what Zayn assumes is the living room. Louis sits down on the couch – correction: lies down on the couch, spreading out his entire body to make it clear to Zayn that this couch is a Tommo zone only. Message received, but where is he supposed to sit now?

The confusion must show on his face, because Louis points to a chair a few feet away from the couch that Zayn hadn’t even noticed. He takes the chair and pulls it up closer so that they’ll be able to talk without an awkward distance between them, but he still keeps enough space between the two of them for Louis to not complain (he hopes).

That thought is still in his head, getting more and more powerful. _Say something to him_ , his brain repeats. _Say something, say something, say something_. Eventually the words ‘say’ and ‘something’ start sounding like gibberish with how much his brain repeats them.

“So,” Louis starts. “I think I’ve thought of three themes that our writings for this assignment can all follow. And you can do multiple ones for the same theme if you want as well-”

“Listen, I know you don’t want to do the project with me and don’t want to acknowledge my existence, but I have this one poem that I started on the first day of lecture and it still remains unresolved and I would really like some help on it.” He feels out of breath after blurting that all out. That wasn’t what he was expecting to say, but he thinks it’s better than accidentally blurting out something about what happened in the garden.

“You know Zayn, interrupting is a bit of a prick move,” Louis responds, and Zayn’s afraid for a moment that that’s it, but then Louis starts laughing. “Oh my gosh, you’re so easy to mess with these days.” He laughs once more, shaking his head. “But seriously… Yeah, I’ll try to do what I can to help you with your poem.” Zayn stares, trying to figure out if there’s a catch. “What? You said it yourself Zayn, I don’t actually want to fail. I really do want to pass this lecture, so I can make my mum- uh, I mean, so I can have something to brag about. Now give me your dumb poem.”

Zayn just nods and reaches into his bag to pull it out. He silently remembers Mrs. Hart giving it a B and telling him that it will become an A when it’s finished. He wonders, not for the first time, if she is secretly a psychic and knew that he would be using it again later on, hoping to help it find its resolution.


	4. Working Toward Resolution

Zayn goes home and immediately collapses on the bed. He’s exhausted. However, he’s also happy. He’s happy because he and Louis are finally interacting on an “acquaintance” level now. No, they’re still nowhere close to friends, and calling him ‘Lou’ or talking about anything outside of the project is prohibited.

However, they can now talk to each other for more than five seconds without yelling. Louis has also granted Zayn permission to talk to Liam about him again – how thoughtful.

“But you’re not allowed to tell him anything about the project, got it?” Louis had insisted. Wow, what an intimidating condition. How will he resist?

Zayn finally feels calm when he goes to University now. He no longer dreads each day he walks through that door. Because he doesn’t have anything to dread. No, they may not be friends still, but they’re companions who don’t make each other as miserable anymore. Which is all he could ask for.

As he’s lying on the bed, the day plays through his head again. They once again tried to re-approach Zayn’s poem (after failing the first two days they tried it) but the ending still hasn’t come to them. Maybe it won’t for a while. That’s okay though. It will get resolved when it’s ready to. He’s just glad they’re working together to make sure it will by the time the term is up.

***

Zayn is heading to the studio. He’s in a rhythm, eyes focused on the fresh-smelling grass, people passing by him, and nearest zebra crossings. He hears the click-click of his shoes against the sidewalk, as well as the ringing in his ears. He feels so relaxed.

As he touches his jeans, he feels a vibration in one of his pockets. His relaxation ends for a moment as he worries that it’s his mom asking where he is, even though realistically that’s not very likely. He pulls out his phone and, thankfully, it’s a text from Louis (he never thought he’d be thankful for that).

 **_LT:_ ** _do you have time to work on the project today ?_

 **_ZM:_ ** _am actually heading to the studio rite now , do you wanna come there ?_

He doesn’t actually expect Louis to say yes, since being in a studio with him might bring back too many memories or something.

 **_LT:_ ** _ya , send me the addy ._

So he does. Louis says he’ll be there in a few, and then Zayn continues ahead.

Zayn spends the time waiting for Louis listening to a few demos and conversing with his producers about how to make them better, both lyrically and sonically.

He finds himself checking his phone throughout their time together; he’s not sure why he’s doing that. He can practically feel his crew making eyes at him when he checks it for the thousandth time during their session.

He turns to face all of them, blushing slightly. “My lecture mate is going to come here in a few minutes for us to work on our project,” he explains. “After he and I are done, we can go back to what we’re working on if you want, but I understand if you guys have better things to do.”

They grumble slightly, but Zayn can tell they’re secretly at least a little glad he said something instead of leaving them in the dark any longer.

A few minutes pass and he feels his phone vibrating before he hears the sound it makes. It’s Louis.

 **_LT:_ ** _Im here , waiting at the front door._

Zayn types his response really fast and lets Louis know he’ll be right there. He starts going downstairs, and a few moments into it he can feel someone staring at him. It’s only then that he realizes how fast he’s been going. He slows down, not sure why he was doing that…

Finally he opens the door, his heart beating fast with nervousness when he sees Louis’ face. It seems to fade as soon as it comes though.

“Hi,” he starts. “Uh, come in.” Louis just nods and walks past him, not even stopping for a moment.

Okay, that was kind of rude to be honest. Where does he even think he’s going? He doesn’t know what Zayn’s crew looks like or where they are upstairs.

“Well, are you coming or what?” Louis questions. Zayn turns around. “I don’t know where you and your posse usually work in this place.”

That was kind of creepy. It’s like Louis was reading his mind or something. “Right. Of course.” Zayn cuts in front of him and starts leading him upstairs, occasionally looking behind himself to make sure Louis doesn’t run away.

After one too many times of doing that, Louis calls him out. “Zayn, what are you doing? Are you afraid I’m gonna sprint back out the door or something? I want this A as much as you do, so just continue upstairs or I’m gonna kick _your_ A. Okay?”

Zayn forces himself to hold back a chuckle, and just continues up wordlessly.

When they finally get to Zayn’s crew, he immediately introduces them all to Louis. He’s not sure why he’s doing that, and evidently his crew doesn’t either, but they wave politely anyway.

One of them – Nava Morris - speaks up though. “So, what is he doing here exactly?” she asks, her tone making it obvious that she’s not happy about it.

“I see my reputation precedes me.” Louis mutters under his breath. Zayn pretends not to hear that, and pretends the negativity in this room in general doesn’t exist.

“I told you, Nava, he and I have a University project we’re working on together.”

She remains stubborn. “But why does that mean he has to be in here during our studio time?”

Zayn looks at Louis; he hadn’t actually told him the answer to that question either, so he hopes he’s listening. “Well, at the end of the term, we have to present our project to the lecture, so I was hoping the two of us could record some of his song lyrics together and present our recorded songs to the lecture at the end.”

Out of his peripherals he thinks he sees Louis’ eyes almost bulge out, but Louis amazingly doesn’t say anything.

Nava is staring and judging silently, then finally says, “Well, I know there’s nothing any of us can do to stop you, but please don’t let this become a habit. We do still have an album to put together you know.”

“I know Nava, it is my album after all.” He pushes forward towards a recording booth with Louis. He knows his crew means well and all but he knows what he has to do on his own, thank you very much.

“They seem nice,” Louis says sarcastically.

“They are normally…” Zayn finds himself about to apologize to Louis for their behaviors, but stops himself because he feels that would be too embarrassing. “Anyway, do you have any songs that you think you’d feel comfortable sharing during our final presentation yet?”

“Uh… Well, there is one I’m thinking about…”

Zayn’s brain opens with intrigue as Louis reaches down in his bag and pulls out a piece of paper. Zayn doesn’t understand why he’s so interested in whatever this song is, because he knows it’s probably dissing him.

Still, he can’t help but feel excited as Louis sets it down on one of the stands. It’s been so long since the two of them were in the studio together. It almost feels like coming home. He silently hopes these feelings don’t show.

“So,” Louis starts, signaling for Zayn to come a little closer. “Remember how a few weeks ago I told you that I was dividing my submissions into three categories: Before, During, and After?” Zayn nods. “So this is my piece for Before. I just titled it ‘Before’ for now because I have no idea what to call it.”

Zayn snorts slightly at that, waiting for Louis to continue. “Anyway, so I’ll sing it first and then you sing it separately and we can mix it how it feels best later on.”

Zayn can’t help it; he finds himself slightly disappointed. “Why can’t we do all of it together? I haven’t forgotten how to sight-sing.”

Louis gives him a bit of a judging look. “I just figured there would be parts of it that would work better for one of us than the other and vice versa. It’s the same way we did it in One Direction.”

“Oh…” Zayn mutters, feeling slightly embarrassed now.

“Yeah, c’mon Zayn, I know you know how to sight-sing.” Louis says it like it’s obvious. “I wouldn’t insult your intelligence like that.” He turns back to the paper. “Anyways, let’s get started.”

They work on recording the song for a few hours, having to do retakes a few times because they know they can do better. Zayn actually finds himself being extremely nervous about messing this up, because he knows how important Louis’ songs are to him.

They don’t finish mixing the vocals together that day, but eventually they decide it’s enough for one day and they will continue working on it later. They still have more than enough time to go until finals after all.

***

The next lecture day, Zayn sits down at his desk with a big smile on his face, ready for Mrs. Hart to call for them to get into groups. He doesn’t know why he’s so excited right now, but he is. As he’s sitting down, he finds it hard to contain his jittering legs and happily trembling hands. He sees out of his peripherals that he’s annoying the people beside him with his hands on the table though so he moves them onto his lap instead.

Mrs. Hart stands up from her seat and clears her throat. Zayn’s full attention is on her. “Alright lecture, I have an announcement,” she starts. “Throughout this lecture so far I have seen you all grow in your groups and get to know each other and form friendships that you might have thought would be impossible beforehand.”

 _Oh my gosh_ , he thinks. _Is she retiring?_ “And it is for that reason that I have decided there will be no more in lecture group sessions for the rest of the term.” It’s almost like Zayn feels the gasp escape from his mouth instead of hear it; he also thinks he hears one other person gasp but he’s too surprised right now to look and see who it was.

“I know some of you may be surprised, some even sad, but,” she smiles, and he swears she’s looking right at him. Him, and her gaze also seems to go towards one other specific person on the exact opposite end of the room… “I can say now, without a doubt, that I trust _all_ of you to be able to work together outside of this lecture theatre – to be able to make the right amount of time for your partners, and work towards a resolution on your projects before it’s time to turn them in.”

Zayn’s heart beats quickly. _Did she just…?_ He doesn’t finish that thought because she interrupts it by giving him a wink. _Okay this woman seriously has to have some sort of supernatural powers or something, because this is just getting beyond weird…_

“Anyway,” she continues, her gaze returning to the rest of the room at large. “Another reason I’m doing this is because I still have a lot more things to teach you before your finals. You also have several things you need to know before your upcoming test.” The lecture grumbles. “Keep up that attitude and you might get some surprise tests with it as well.”

The sounds of people reaching down in their bags and pulling out their notebooks and pencils echoes through the room. For a brief second when Zayn is bending down to reach his, he and Louis make eye contact – and Louis gives Zayn the one thing he hasn’t experienced in a long time: a smile in his direction.

***

“So do you think she was talking about us?” Louis blurts out all of a sudden.

The two boys are in the recording studio again, still working on mixing their song. Zayn turns to face him, not having a choice but to notice how objectively beautiful Louis’ eyes are.

He doesn’t even have to ask what Louis’ referring to either, he already knows. “Duh, of course she was talking about us. She wasn’t looking at anyone else when she was saying that…”

Louis nods. “She kind of creeps me out to be honest. That thing she said at the end there before returning her gaze to the rest of the lecture? Something about ‘working towards resolution’ or whatever?”

“That’s exactly what I was thinking!” Zayn nearly yells, his hands going every which way with excitement. “I’m convinced she’s either 1. A stalker, or 2. Some form of supernatural being…”

Louis giggles. “Maybe she’s been dressing up as random people around us and we haven’t even known it. I mean, wouldn’t be that surprising. Fans used to do that all the time after all.”

“Maybe,” Zayn agrees. “Perhaps we should get Scooby Doo and the meddling kids to come here and figure it out.”

“Well, we do have our own Mystery Machine, you know.” Louis points out.

“I didn’t know that actually, because you took full custody of it after the divorce.” Zayn giggles, trying to pass it off as a joke, but apparently that was going too far too soon as Louis’ expression immediately drops, his eyes going vaguely sad.

“I think we should return our focus to the music now,” Louis tells him, a slight voice crack escaping his lips. Zayn frowns, wanting to apologize but afraid that would make things worse. He instead just opts to return to the music as per Louis’ request.

***

2 AM

 **_ZM:_ ** _hey , listen , Im really sorry 4 what I said yesterday …_

 **_LT:_ ** _Dunno what ur talking about_

 **_ZM:_ ** _I kno I went too far with that comment abt ‘divorce’ … Im sorry_

 **_LT:_ ** _No offense but it’s been a long day … I’ll talk to you tomorrow …_

 **_ZM:_ ** _Ok , goodnight Louis …_

 **_LT:_ ** _read 2:14 AM_

***

Zayn is talking to Liam on Skype about his current situation with Louis, about how they seem to be getting closer again but there’s still a line somewhere he’s not supposed to cross and he’s not sure what that line is.

“Oh my gosh,” Liam says, hands on his temples. “When did I become the relationship counselor between you two?” He rolls his eyes. “This is not what I signed up for when I auditioned for X Factor you know.”

Zayn scoffs. “Me neither.”

“Look, Zayn,” Liam sighs. “Whether the two of you like it or not, you both hurt each other, okay? It’s not just a one way thing. He did bad things, you did bad things. But both of you also – at the time – did what you felt was right for you. It’s not black and white.”

“What the heck are you even saying?” Zayn questions, trying to understand in his brain how Liam got from Point A to Point C in that quote.

“What I’m saying is,” Liam clears his throat, sitting back in his chair. “That if you thought this was going to be easy, you obviously don’t know Louis – or yourself – that well at all. You both have a lot to make up to each other, whether you like it or not.”

“So what do I _do_ then?” Zayn begs, feeling absolutely pathetic while doing this. He doesn’t blame Liam for being exhausted from listening to him; he’s exhausted from listening to him too.

“Well first, you have to show it in the little things.” Liam starts. “One grand apology with a fruit basket doesn’t always work. Instead, do little things – like complimenting his voice or writing. Little compliments can go a long way.”

Zayn nods. “Okay, and then what?”

“And then…” Liam leans in close to the screen. “You’re both going to stop involving me in this mess until you get your s*** together!” Zayn jumps back, not having expected that. “I love both of you, and I don’t like having to be a therapist between you two. It’s exhausting quite frankly to feel like I have to pick sides between my two best mates.”

Zayn’s brain starts going on overdrive with anxiety at that last part. “I made you feel like you had to pick sides? That was never my intention.”

“I know it wasn’t,” Liam tells him. “And it wasn’t his intention either. But the constant back and forth is wearing me out.” Zayn frowns, his brain telling him that this means Liam secretly has been mad at him this whole time and doesn’t want to talk to him ever.

“I know what you’re thinking, and please don’t think it. Just… try to imagine yourself in my position: Your two best friends are in a fight, and you have to hear about it all the time, but you can’t pick a side because you love both of them. Do you understand what I mean?”

Zayn nods, still a little sad but trying his best to put the anxious thoughts out of his brain. “Yeah… I do. I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” Liam assures him with a smile. “Now… How about we talk about video games instead? I know that always cheers you up.”

Zayn perks up at that, and, as he and Liam spend what feels like the next hour talking about Overwatch, he leaves the Skype chat feeling much more positive than he felt when he started.

***

The next time they see each other, the awkwardness hanging in the air could almost give the first days of University a run for their money. Almost. The only difference is, this time there’s no anger, no passive aggressive looks, nothing. Just still awkwardness.

“Uh, hi…” Zayn tries to start, sitting down next to Louis on his couch. “Listen I-”

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Louis interrupts, staring down at his papers instead of making eye contact. “I don’t wanna talk about how we bought that Mystery Machine together, how it was _our_ thing, and then you just left our thing out of nowhere with no apologies whatsoever. So just, don’t talk to me about it…”

Zayn doesn’t think he’s talking about the car here… “That’s not what I was going to say-”

“And then you try to come back to the car again after years of leaving it alone, but guess what? Its doors aren’t open for you anymore! So go to someone else’s car instead!” Louis is bundling up in fetal position, looking the opposite way of Zayn’s face.

Against his better judgment, Zayn scoots closer to him. “I never meant to leave… umm… our car alone. I wanted to go back to it, but every time I tried to open the door, it was locked. Even when I tried my best to use the keys to open it…”

“Maybe because it knew that you were using other people’s cars behind its back all those years it let you sit in it.”

Zayn blinks. “What? Okay, can we stop with this metaphor now? I don’t even know how to respond to that…”

“No.” Louis remains stubborn as heck. “Because you didn’t care about our car’s feelings after all the memories we made in it. You left it for some sh***y car that you can buy at Poundland instead…”

“You can’t buy cars at Poundland,” Zayn says as quiet as he can so Louis can’t hear it. Then, returning to his normal speaking voice, “I never meant for our car to think I didn’t care about its feelings… I wanted to be able to have fun in other cars _and_ ours as well, but it didn’t want me around anymore.”

Louis is silent for a moment and then huffs. “Fine, we can drop the metaphor. I didn’t want you around? You’re the one who left me. You’re the one who obviously didn’t want us around anymore…”

“That’s not true! I wanted you around. I just was tired of the in and out, year after year, month after month, go go go with no stopping.” Zayn shakes his head. “And I was also tired of feeling like I was a token to the people at the record label; like they labelled me as the mysterious one because of the way I looked, not because of who I really was.”

Louis bites his lip, the look on his face betraying the fact that he’s obviously trying to think of some way to get out of this conversation even though he started it. He murmurs, almost inaudible, “What were you going to say before I interrupted?”

Zayn grumbles, exhausted from Louis’ stubbornness. He sighs. “I was going to say, I re-read your song lyrics for the ‘During’ song and I’m in awe of how descriptive your writing is. You’re really talented.”

Louis looks up, for the first time genuinely seeming at a loss for words. He recovers a few moments later, exhaling. “I’m sorry that you felt like you were just a token. I’m sorry I never stood up for you. Truth be told I was slightly afraid. I was afraid any controversy would make us lose fans, even if it was for the right reasons…”

Both of them return their gazes to their laps now. “No offense but if they stayed after that video of us getting f***ed up in the car, why did you think standing up for your own bandmate would be worse controversy?”

“…I don’t know…” Louis says honestly, his voice getting weak. “But I wish I had done something about it, and I’m sorry…”

“Well, I appreciate the apology, but after years of having to handle all of it by myself, it’s a little hard to accept that easily…”

“I know, I know,” Louis agrees. “And I will try my best to show you instead of just telling you.”

Zayn just nods, not sure what else there is to say. Louis scooches even closer to him and puts an arm around his shoulders. Zayn doesn’t shove him off. Quite the contrary, he puts his own arm around Louis’ shoulders as well. They sit like that for a few minutes.

***

Zayn and Louis are heading to Mrs. Hart’s office, carrying some of their works in their hands as well as a small, unfinished demo CD. After she announced there would be no more in-lecture group sessions, she also told them in an email that every so often they would have to visit her during office hours to give her updates on their progress.

The walk there is pretty boring – aside from a flyer for a family fun festival coming soon, which Zayn takes a picture of and sends to his parents and sisters – and Zayn feels his mind going back to the pizza he ate last night and how delicious it was…

Louis has to actually tap Zayn on the shoulder to get his attention when they arrive there because Zayn had apparently been moving on autopilot the whole time. He quickly recovers though, and the two of them enter Mrs. Hart’s cubicle.

She instantly smiles as the two boys take seats by her desk. “Hi boys. Thanks for coming.”

“Did we really have a choice?” Louis challenges, but there’s no anger in his voice.

She shrugs. “Of course you did. You could’ve scheduled a different time or date with me, just as long as it didn’t interfere with the other students’ times. Anyway…” She clears her throat. “Did you bring something to show me?”

“Yes!” Louis responds excitedly, immediately putting the papers on her desk. Zayn puts his hand over his mouth so that nobody can see the smile on his face; it’s adorable to him how excited Louis gets over his work.

“So I know you saw some of these poems when Zayn was getting started on them, but I feel like he’s made a lot of progress since then,” Louis says, looking at Zayn. He doesn’t hide his smile this time, and thinks he feels his cheeks turning red. It’s probably from embarrassment at how much Louis is building him up; his poems aren’t really _that_ good yet…

“Oh stop,” Zayn says, not sure why his heart is beating as fast as it is. He clears his throat, hoping that will stop some of the weird nerves he seems to be having right now.

“So, like, Mrs. Hart-” he tries to turn to face her but his gaze on Louis keeps lingering a little bit. “-Me and Louis have this unfinished demo we’ve started and we wanted to share with you. We’re thinking of playing this and a few other songs written by Louis for the final reveal or whatever you’d call it.”

He hands it to her and she gets out a CD player – _wow_ , Zayn thinks. _She came prepared…_ \- and headphones, putting in the disk and listening to it, bopping her head every so often. While she’s listening to it she also reads through some of the papers Louis put on the table earlier.

When she’s done listening she gives the demo back to Zayn and keeps reading, a big smile forming on her face. After a few more minutes of reading, she sets the papers back down next to Louis. The boys are both staring at her now, hoping whatever she has to say next is good…

She just laughs after a few seconds and Zayn’s mind instantly goes to the worst: that she’s laughing at them being horrible or something. Well, she is laughing at them, but that’s not the reason.

“Boys, there’s no reason for the freaked out expressions, I promise.” She has such a wide grin on her face right now and Zayn’s not sure what to think of it. “You know what I love most about all of this? It’s not about how much you’ve obviously improved on paper, but how much you’ve obviously improved in real life.”

Zayn and Louis look at each other with confused shrugs.

“What I mean is,” she continues, looking back and forth between them with approving looks. “There’s a very distinct difference between how you were interacting in the beginning vs how you’re interacting now. You may not notice it yourselves because of how naturally it occurred, but it’s definitely there. And it has translated to your writing as well.

“Reading through your works, and listening to that demo, it’s obvious to me that you’re communicating with each other better, listening to each other better, and that all around there has been a distinct change here.” She takes the papers off the table and puts them in Louis’ hands since he apparently was too busy listening to grab them himself.

“And if these are any indication,” she motions to the papers again. “I’m really excited for it to all come together in the end.” She pauses, still grinning. Zayn’s afraid she’s gonna get a cheek-ache – is that a thing? He wonders silently – from smiling so darn much. “Thank you for meeting with me, and I’ll see you in lecture tomorrow.”

With that, Zayn and Louis pick up their stuff and what do you know? Her smile must’ve been contagious or something because they’re smiling at each other on the way out.

***

 **_LT:_ ** _good mornin’ , was wnderin’ if u’d like to go out to the library or summat to work on our project today ?_

It’s the first thing Zayn reads when he first wakes up. He has to actually blink a few times to make sure he’s not still asleep. After like the fourth time, he concludes that he is indeed awake.

Why would Louis send this text though? They both know what would happen if they did that. That’s the whole reason they’d agreed to stick to Louis’ house in the first place…

 **_Z:_ ** _is this a prank or smth ? We’d be seen in an instant …_

 **_LT:_ ** _I just thought you were tired of always having to be in my house all the time, that’s all…_

Zayn is too tired to think about that text too hard or wonder why he’s even concerned in the first place, so he just sends an “okay let’s do it” and the two of them make a plan to meet up in about half an hour.

When the two of them finally reach the University’s library, they’re able to get all the way in without any cameras, which is a relief. Still, Zayn finds himself looking around every few seconds when they first sit down.

“Zayn, will you calm your t*ts already?” Louis blurts out, huffing a bit. Zayn gasps, having forgotten for just a second that Louis was right in front of him. “Even if we get seen together, who cares? It wasn’t gonna be a secret forever.”

He raises an eyebrow. “I thought that was the plan though; to keep this a secret forever… Wouldn’t you be ashamed of being seen with me?” He tries to swallow down all the bad thoughts that creep up at that.

Louis shrugs, not even blinking. “It’s whatever. I have lots of candids taken of me that I’m ashamed of. Besides, you know our fans – or at least my fans. They’d figure it out eventually.”

Zayn doesn’t argue with that. “Alright. Well, what made you decide to have us go to the library then?”

Louis’ eyes seem to bulge out for just a tiny second, but it’s gone as soon as it started so Zayn isn’t completely sure whether or not he really did it. “I don’t know. I just wanted a change of scenery for once.”

Zayn stares for a moment, confused. That really doesn’t match up at all with the message he sent Zayn this morning, but he shakes his head, deciding not to read too much into it.

“Anyway,” Louis says, reaching down into his backpack and pulling out papers. “Let’s get started shall we?”

“Right,” Zayn agrees, having almost forgotten why they’re even here. He takes out his notebook and turns the page to his latest poem.

Somewhere between discussing their newest works and when they’re going to go to the recording studio again, they find themselves giggling about on-tour memories.

“Remember that time when you snuck off the bus and Paul literally dragged me along with him to find you, even though I had nothing to do with it?” Louis snickers.

“Yep,” Zayn chuckles. “He was like ‘I’ve got your best friend; you can have him back after you record your parts.’” He shakes his head. “So ridiculous. I miss him though.”

“Me too,” Louis agrees. “He loved us, I know it. Even though we were-” he puts on his best Paul impersonation “-‘all a pain the a***’”. The two boys crack up.

Of course the fun has to stop at some point though, because apparently that’s just the way life works. At that moment, the librarian walks over.

“You two,” they hiss, fire in their eyes. “Since you obviously can’t keep your voices down or keep your language in check, I am going to have to ask you to leave the library now.”

Both boys roll their eyes slightly, but listen anyway. “Yeah, yeah, alright then,” Zayn whispers, putting his stuff away. Louis follows suite.

“Wanna go to a restaurant instead?” Louis asks quietly. “There’s no noise limit there.”

“Sure.” The closer to the door they get, the louder Zayn gets. “I saw this great local one a few miles past the university. I looked up their menu online and they have _amazing_ -”

He doesn’t finish that sentence though, because, as if on cue, the second he opens the door a flash is in his face. “Oh great,” he mutters. Another flash.

“Alright-well-hate-to-leave-so-soon-and-all-that-but-I-think-we-need-a-raincheck-on-that-restaurant. Talk-to-you-later-bye.” Louis says that so fast that Zayn almost can’t understand, but he gets the message of it which basically translates to: run.

So he obliges. Both of them run back to their cars as fast as they possibly can and drive away as fast as the speed limit allows. Not before the paparazzi can get a few more shots of them though of course. Good gosh, Zayn’s already picturing the headlines tomorrow…

_Louis and Zayn pictured together: Is a One Direction reunion tour with Zayn in the works?_

_Zayn Malik and Louis Tomlinson extending an olive branch to each other: the reunion we’ve all secretly been wishing for_

_What do these pictures of Zayn Malik and Louis Tomlinson together outside a library mean?_

There are also some not-as-nice titles that come to his mind but he decides to put those thoughts aside and keep it moving. This whole five second encounter with the paparazzi has drained him of every last ounce of energy he had and he just needs to get home.

As soon as he does, he immediately collapses on the bed, his grumbling tummy the very last thing on his mind.

***

Throughout the rest of the day, Zayn doesn’t go anywhere online except for his University email, which no one knows about except him and his lecturers. He doesn’t want to hear what the media has to say, or what his team has to say, or what anyone has to say really.

The only new thing in his University inbox is an email about student activities in the upcoming week. No overdue homework, no new homework announcements, just student activities. He decides to take that as a sign to just get some food and go back to napping.

He sleeps pretty much the whole day away, and it’s 8 PM when he’s woken up by a sound from his phone.

 **_LT:_ ** _Don’t go on Twitter_

Zayn rolls his eyes, a little annoyed that Louis woke him up for something that he already knew.

 **_ZM:_ ** _Duh , why would I? *eyeroll emoji* I’m trying to get some sleep now tho , talk to you later … *sleep emoji*_

The little dots that signal Louis is typing pop up, but then they disappear. He thinks nothing of it, but grumbles when he realizes he’s hungry again.

Not wanting to deny his tummy anything, he goes downstairs and heats up one of those small microwave dinners. He eats it quickly and takes his medicine, then immediately goes back to sleep.

***

Curiosity really does kill the cat in Zayn’s case – and sadly, that’s where the phrase ends, because there’s no satisfaction bringing him back right now.

The day following his day of rest, Zayn starts thinking so much about how he should avoid Twitter, to the point where he wants to look at what’s going on on Twitter. He doesn’t understand the way his brain jumps from point a to point d, but he does it anyway.

_Sugarscape: “Zayn Malik and Louis Tomlinson were seen together and our fangirl hearts are hoping this means an OT5 reunion”_

Zayn rolls his eyes slightly. “Fangirl hearts”? He doesn’t understand how this is a serious publication, but he supposes it’s cute that these pictures of him and Louis have made them happy.

The replies, on the other hand, aren’t all so happy…

_“What is Lewis doing hanging out with that traitor?”_

_“Oh gosh I hope not, I never want to see that f---er’s face again… *eyeroll emoji*”_

_“Hope Louis gave him what’s coming to him: a punch to the face XD”_

Zayn shivers at these replies, and he knows he should walk away, but something tells him to keep scrolling. That’s when he lands on the grossest one of them all.

_“Can’t believe Louis is dirtying himself by hanging around with that ugly p*ki. He’s probably hiding a bomb in his bag… *unamused emoji*”_

Zayn feels a tear forming in his eye. What did he do to deserve this hate? No, this is worse than hate, he thinks. This is just a whole other level of trash. He clicks on the tweet, starts typing something, but stops mid-sentence because he sees someone else responded to this person. Someone with a verified symbol next to their name. No way…

 **_Louis Tomlinson:_ ** _“Lol … Think ur being funny huh ? Racists getting brave hiding behind a screen , try saying that to either of our faces and see what happens …”_

Zayn has to blink a few times to make sure he read that correctly. It’s true though, it’s right in front of him clear as day: Louis defended him…

Zayn isn’t sure how to feel right now honestly. He feels a mix of both happy and surprised. He didn’t expect this at all.

Is this why Louis was so concerned about him staying off Twitter? So that he wouldn’t see these racist trolls? If so, that was really… nice of him. Zayn is so turned around by this: Louis, being nice to him. Louis, caring about him. Louis, standing up to racists for him. This is all a lot to take in.

Still, he feels like some kind of response from him is necessary right now, so he favorites the tweet and responds with a happy emoji and a _“thnx Lou !”_ because that’s all he can manage right now.

He knows he just woke up an hour ago, but he already feels like he needs to lay down again.

***

The next time the two boys see each other, it’s in Louis’ house again. Zayn feels like he has to say something, anything, even though he already responded to Louis’ tweet. He feels like putting it into words is needed, yet at the same time he doesn’t know how to word it best.

Suddenly, he remembers what Liam said on that last Skype chat: show him in the little things. At first he doesn’t know what little things he can do to show his thankfulness in, but then an idea comes to him.

“So Louis,” he starts as calm as he can with his heart doing acrobats as soon as Louis looks him in the eyes. “I know we weren’t able to do our whole lunch date – uh, hangout – before the paparazzi found us, but I was wondering if you’d like to go to Nando’s today, for old time’s sake?”

“Nando’s? What are you, Niall?” Louis asks, snorting slightly. “And besides, I thought you – er, we – wanted to avoid the paparazzi after last time. They said some really gross things about you – I mean us. I don’t want that to happen again.” His face is pleading, his eyes looking slightly misty.

A small grin forms on Zayn’s lips. “Louis, no matter what happens people are going to say gross things about ‘us’. I learned that a long time ago unfortunately. So let’s just have some fun together. We both deserve that.”

Louis still looks unsure, but he soon changes to a smile and says, “Okay. Yeah. We can do that.”

And it’s never spoken in words, but somehow, after that day, both of them realize without a doubt that they’re not enemies anymore. They’re not acquaintances being forced to do a project together. They are friends, hopefully forever this time.

***

“Okay, okay,” Zayn tries through giggles. “What about that one kid who’s always drawing pictures of naked men in lecture, and thinks no one’s watching when literally everyone could see those pictures from a mile away?”

Louis snickers loudly. “Oh gosh, I know. And then they try to act all innocent when Mrs. Hart tells them to leave the lecture. ‘I didn’t do anything!’”

Zayn and Louis have been talking for what must be hours now. Zayn had spent the night at his parents’ house and, as soon as dinner was over, he practically ran to his phone to talk to Louis about how his day has been. Somewhere along the line, they started talking about the weirdest kids in their lecture.

Zayn’s cracking up. “And she thought _we_ were the biggest distraction in lecture at the beginning.”

“I know, I know.”

Zayn hears someone clear their throat and turns around to see his parents, looking serious. “Okay, gotta go. Talk to you tomorrow, Lou.”

“Talk to you tomorrow, Zayn-y,” Louis says, giggling because he knows how much Zayn hates being called that. He hangs up before Zayn can make any objections though.

He puts his phone down on the table, shaking his head. “This boy…” He turns to face his parents now, their stern expressions slightly bothering him after all the laughs he just had with Louis. “What’s up?”

“Zayn…” Yaser starts. “We’re a little concerned.”

“About what?” Zayn is super confused. He finished his dinner tonight, didn’t he?

“You and Louis seem to be… Talking a lot lately…” Trisha says delicately.

Zayn scoffs because that’s kind of the understatement of the century. They’ve been talking pretty much every day, twice a day, for a while now. “So? If you’re worried about me not getting my lecture work done, I promise you-”

“It’s not that,” Trisha assures. “We know you’re very committed to your studies.” Yaser nods in agreement. Zayn is getting more confused by the second. If it’s not about his studies, then what exactly is the problem?

Before he can ask, Yaser continues. “We’re glad you two have been able to bury the hatchet and all that, but we’re afraid you’re getting a little too attached to him.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Zayn, honey,” Trisha tries. “It’s obvious just looking at your face when you’re talking to him on the phone that you like him. A lot. And we’re just concerned, because he hurt you once before. He could do it again.”

Zayn starts balling his fists. “Are you kidding me right now? You two are the ones who said I should talk to him about me leaving the band, that we _should_ work together to try and work out our differences. And now that we have, what, you’re telling me ‘oh nevermind go back to hating each other’?”

“Honey, that’s not what we’re saying at all-”

“Really? Because it sure the f*** sounds like it!” He doesn’t like getting loud with his parents, especially his mother, but both of them are being really irrational right now. “Why can’t you guys just be happy that I have him as my friend again?”

“We _are_ happy, son,” Yaser says. “We’re just also concerned that this is more friendship this time. You…” Zayn raises his eyebrows. “…Like him.”

Zayn’s heartbeat accelerates. “So what if I do? What difference does it make? We’re still mates, and nothing is going to change that. Not this time. I won’t let it.”

His parents frown. “Zayn, that’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself,” Trisha tells him. “A friendship can’t be maintained by just one person, you know.”

“I do know, actually,” Zayn responds, annoyed. “I also know that everything is going to be okay between me and Louis. Now if you all could leave me alone, I have to get back to my assignment.”

That’s really a lie, he wasn’t working on any assignment before they got here, and they know it, but they take the hint anyway and walk out.

As he lays down on his bed and reads a bit of a book, he takes deep breaths. _They don’t know what they’re talking about_ , he repeats to himself. _Not one bit._

***

The two boys are working at Zayn’s house for a change tonight. They’re sitting on his living room couch, in their own little worlds.

“So Zayn,” Louis starts, surprising the other boy. “I remember when lecture first started you said you had writer’s block as far as your second album went.”

“Mhmm…” Zayn hums, drawing a picture of an alien on the side of his notebook.

“I was just wondering if that had changed at all. Like, have you found anymore inspiration for new songs for your album?”

“I have actually,” Zayn says, though most of his focus is still on this alien. “It’s been a b**** to balance work and University, but I’m happy to have gotten my writing inspo back, y’know?”

“Yeah,” Louis nods. “I definitely know how that goes. What are you working on right now?”

“Nothing interesting,” Zayn tells him. “Just drawing an alien.”

“Cool, can I see?” Louis asks, getting closer to him.

Zayn starts thinking about the conversation his parents had with him two days ago and makes the distance between the two of them larger again. “Uh, I’d rather keep this one to myself if you don’t mind.”

“Oh… Umm… That’s okay I guess…” Louis responds awkwardly.

This is ridiculous, he shouldn’t be hiding a drawing of a simple alien from Louis, but his parents talking about how obvious it is that he likes him has made him anxious to be too close, or say things that could be interpreted as flirtatious in any way, shape, or form…

“So…” Louis tries to clear the silence. “I got a new video game at my place last night, wanna come over and get your butt kicked tonight?” He giggles.

Zayn wants to, he really does, but he doesn’t want to say yes for fear of it looking too romantic.

“Actually I have a few Maths things that are due by 5 PM tomorrow so I should probably focus on that…” He swallows, feeling Louis’ stare hard against his neck.

“Zayn, what’s wrong?” Louis asks.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about…” he lies, practically stabbing his alien drawing with the pencil as if that will make Louis stop talking. Louis takes the notebook out of his hand. “Hey! Give that back!”

“I will when you tell me what’s going on.” Zayn opens his mouth to repeat his lie, but before he can, Louis continues. “Zayn, I just asked you if you wanted to play video games at my house, and you’re really going to sit here and try to convince me that you’d rather work on _maths_ homework that’s not due until _5 PM_ tomorrow?”

Zayn keeps reaching to get his notebook back, trying to ignore the question. He really doesn’t want to have to talk about this.

“I’m not giving you your cool alien back until you answer the question.” Louis remains stubborn, successfully keeping Zayn’s notebook from him no matter how hard he tries to do a surprise attack.

Eventually, Zayn’s out of breath from trying to get his notebook back and gives up. “Fine. My parents talked to me a few nights ago, and they told me… that they’re afraid I’m spending too much time with you.” It’s the truth; not the whole truth, but the truth nonetheless.

“What the heck?” Louis asks. “That’s ridiculous Zayn. Why would they be afraid of you spending too much time with me?”

“They’re just worried that I’m gonna get hurt again…” He feels cornered, really not into having this conversation at all.

“Well, while it is a parent’s job to worry about those types of things,” Louis breathes in, reaching his hand out. “You shouldn’t just stop hanging out with someone out of fear of getting hurt again. Otherwise, you’d never hang out with anybody…” Louis says this almost as if he’s quoting what someone else has said to him about this same kind of situation…

Louis puts his hand in Zayn’s and Zayn immediately lets go and stands up. “No, no, no. I can’t do this. I can’t…” Louis looks a mixture of shocked and confused at Zayn’s abrupt reaction.

Zayn grumbles. There really is no way around this, is there? He has to tell the whole truth… No matter how much Louis’ possible rejection will hurt.

“The reason my parents are worried, the reason I’m now worried too about doing anything with you, is…” He chokes on his words, tears clouding his vision like a thunderstorm as he says the next words. “They think I like you too much.”

It takes a second too long for Louis to get it, and by the time he does Zayn’s mind is a battlefield. “You… like me?” He asks.

Zayn is too scared to look up at Louis’ face as he nods. However, soon he has no choice, because Louis is lifting Zayn’s face up to look at him.

His face right now is a little hard for Zayn to gauge, but he seems like he’s about to cry? No, no, Zayn doesn’t want any more crying-

Zayn’s thoughts are silenced by Louis putting his lips on his in a soft, sweet kiss. Zayn just stares back at him, mouth open. He’s speechless again, all his words being removed in that kiss.

As always though, Louis is there to fill the space. “Zayn, I can’t promise I won’t hurt you, or you won’t hurt me, because life is unpredictable and we all make mistakes that we regret. But I can promise that I love you, that never changed. Even when I was angry, even when I never wanted to see you again. I have always loved you, and I probably always will.”

“Oh my gosh have you been watching those sappy chick flick movies Harry’s obsessed with lately?” Zayn teases through his tears.

“Oh, shut it!” Louis replies, apparently all out of words as he brings the two of their faces together for another kiss.

***

Zayn and Louis never tell Twitter or the media anything, opting to let their actions do the talking instead when it comes to paparazzi. They go out with each other more often than not now, and all the sounds and flashing lights sort of blur together in the background because all they can focus on is each other.

They’re so happy about their newfound romance that they waste absolutely no time in telling their friends and family.

“Oh come on guys. I told you two to not Skype me with your problems again,” greets a groggy Liam on Skype.

“Actually,” Zayn steps in to stop Liam from logging off. “I believe the words you used were ‘until you get your s*** together’. And, well, I do believe we have gotten our s*** together.”

Liam seems intrigued now. “Oh really?” The two boys nod proudly. “What’s the reason for the call then? Need second opinions – er, third opinions – on what font to use for your project?” He giggles slightly.

“Now Liam,” Louis says – and Zayn can tell he’s trying very hard to be serious/nonchalant as to not give anything away. “Do we really need a reason to talk to our best friend?”

Liam shrugs. “Guess not. So what’s new – other than you two being friends again of course? Seen any new movies? Caught any new Pokemon?”

"You're still collecting Pokemon?" Louis judges. "The Pokemon Go hype died down like months ago."

Liam rolls his eyes, muttering "maybe for you..."

Zayn steps between Louis and the screen to stop the fight before it starts. "Anyway..." he says. "There's a lot new actually. Liam, me and Louis have something to tell you."

He goes back to Louis and smiles, putting his arm around Louis' shoulder. Liam raises an eyebrow at the two of them, clearly confused about where this is going. Zayn and Louis look at each other, silently asking who wants to say it.

"Listen lads I love you but you're creeping me out and I don't really have much time. Drake wants me back in the studio soon-"

"Zayn and I are dating!" Louis blurts out all at once, shocking Liam. He then gives Zayn a surprise kiss for good measure - what a dork.

Liam is silent for a little bit, shocked expressions still stuck on his face. It's quite funny if Zayn's honest.

"Wow Liam, is the screen frozen or something?" Louis teases. "You've been sitting like that for a while."

"Yeah," Zayn agrees, making a fake contemplative expression. "Didn't you say Drake needed you? Don't wanna keep him waiting."

Finally Liam seems to awake from his trance. “You two are dating – are you serious?!”

“Uh, yeah. Did you not see me on Mr. Malik's beautiful face just now?” Louis asks.

“I did but...” Liam shakes his head, then changes into a big grin. “Oh my gosh this is so awesome! And also a little weird – I mean, I can’t believe you all went from being at each other’s throats to kissing each other’s lips.”

The two boys shrug. “It’s like Mrs. Hart and my parents said,” Zayn tells him, squeezing Louis’ hand. “We just needed to understand each other.”

“Have you told them?” Liam asks. “Your parents I mean?”

“Not yet,” Zayn admits. “We wanted to tell you first.”

Liam’s smile widens. “Aww… Well aren’t I special?” All three of them laugh. “Well, I wish I could chat more but unfortunately I have to go make some music. But I’m super happy for you lads. Thank you so much for telling me. I’ll talk to you later, bye.”

“Bye Liam,” Zayn and Louis wave in unison.

Louis turns to face Zayn again. “Well that went way better than I thought.”

“You were worried it would go bad?” Zayn asks, raising an eyebrow. Liam has never given either of them any reason to believe it would’ve gone anything but good.

“A little bit,” Louis admits, blushing. “Dumb, I know. But I’m glad to be proven wrong. It’s given me hope that maybe not everybody will be as disapproving about it as I thought.”

Zayn bites his lip to stop himself from thinking about what his parents said before. “Yeah, hopefully not…” He clears his throat. “Now let’s go get something to eat; you still haven’t given me that Nando’s meal you promised forever ago.”

Louis scoffs. “You still on about that one? Stubborn b*stard…” He’s smiling though, despite his obvious attempts at trying not to. And that night they do, in fact, go to Nando’s for dinner.

***

Unfortunately, as Zayn feared, not everyone is as happy about this as Liam.

They’re all out at dinner to eat – him, Louis, and Zayn’s parents – at a much fancier place than Nando’s. Zayn may or may not have planned it this way so as to avoid his parents getting too outraged.

Trisha was instantly ecstatic when Zayn said they were going out to dinner. “This is so exciting!” she had said. “It’s been a while since we’ve gone out to eat together.”

Even when he told her that Louis would be coming too, she flinched slightly but remained happy that she was getting a night out with her husband and her son.

Yaser, on the other hand, was side-eying the whole thing from the moment Zayn said it wouldn’t just be the three of them. He was right to be suspicious, Zayn supposes.

Taking a deep breath, Zayn takes a look at Louis, who is giving him a supportive smile. Then he faces his parents again, who now both have confused looks.

“Mum, dad,” he starts, stomach already beginning to bubble with anxiety. “I didn’t just bring you here because of the awesome buffet, or because I wanted a family dinner.” Trisha starts frowning now. “I brought you here to tell you the truth. And the truth is, me and Louis are now dating. I know it’s probably not the news you wanted to hear, especially after our conversation a few nights ago, but I hope you can accept and support us… Support me…”

Yaser and Trisha exchange looks, then return to face Zayn. Before they can say anything, the waiter comes over to give them their food. _Saved by the bell,_ Zayn thinks to himself as his parents put on their best forced smiles and thank the waiter for their service.

Immediately after the waiter is out of earshot though, Yaser leans forward. “Are you serious?”

Zayn gulps and nods. “Yeah, more serious than I’ve been about anything.”

“Zayn, you know there are only two ways this can go!” Yaser whisper-yells. “Do you really want to dive into something without being certain how it could end?”

Trisha tries to intervene. “What your father means-”

“I know what he means, mum,” Zayn tells her. “And I understand you’re both really concerned about me but don’t you think I already know that? I know a relationship can only end in either marriage or breakup. And you know what?” He puts his arm around Louis. “I’ve decided it’s worth taking the risk.”

Yaser and Trisha are obviously still not completely feeling this, but they both seem to decide that it’s not worth it to start a fight over this, especially in a fancy diner.

“Okay,” Yaser admits defeat. “It’s your life son. We will be here to support you through it, no matter our personal worries.” Trisha nods in agreement, never having been one to really voice it when she’s angry.

Zayn nods, deciding that – at least for now – he’s satisfied with that answer. “Alright then, let’s dig in.”

***

“I never realized how amazing your eyes are,” Zayn comments to Louis. “They like, take me to a whole other universe when I look at them.”

“ _My_ eyes? Have you ever seen yours?” Louis responds. “They’re like, fresh coffee with yummy caramel on top.”

Zayn attempts to raise an eyebrow. “Sure you’re not just thirsty?”

“Oh I’m definitely thirsty.” Louis does a dramatic pause. “Thirsty for you that is.”

Zayn cracks up so hard his chest starts hurting. Any other time he would’ve made fun of Louis for a line like that, but right now it’s the funniest thing in the world to him. He keeps laughing until it slowly wears off and he only occasionally chuckles when he thinks of it again.

The two of them have been laying in Zayn’s bed just talking and staring at each other pretty much all day. In fact that’s what they’ve been doing most days now. Since they’ve got the hardest part of the relationship out of the way (telling everybody), they feel like they can finally relax now and not have to worry about anything else except what to get each other for special occasions.

Zayn takes a hit from the blunt, blowing the smoke into Louis’ face and laughing through his nose.

“Oh you think you’re so cute,” Louis says, eye rolling.

“So do you,” Zayn tells him. Instead of denying it, Louis leans closer and before Zayn can think twice he puts his lips against his, kissing and smoking at the same time. Zayn leans forward and presses his lips to Louis’ to share the smoke between them and only pulling back to breathe out before going back for a smoke-free kiss.

After making out for a few moments, Louis eventually pulls back, softly rubbing Zayn’s cheeks. “You know, I was reading one of your poems last night for the project and wanted to talk to you about a line in it-”

Zayn puts a hand over his mouth. “Shhh, no talk about University stuff right now. Just weedfix and chill.”

“Did that sound funnier in your head?”

“Yeah. It did. Now kiss me again.” Louis obliges, the two of them losing track of time attached to each other’s lips. Neither of them realize when they fall asleep in each other’s arms, the weed lost somewhere on the bed.

***

Zayn and Louis are in lecture. They’re still sitting on opposite sides of the lecture theatre because at this point in the term you just don’t change seats. It’s an unwritten rule. However, they do make eye contact as frequently as possible, to the point where Zayn even hears the people beside him whispering “get a room”. He ignores them though, not caring about anyone’s opinion except Louis’.

Mrs. Hart clears her throat, giving Zayn an almost-glare when he finally turns around. “Alright students. Not that I have to remind you, but your projects are due in just a few weeks. And I assume that everyone in this room-” she makes not-so-subtle eye contact with Zayn and Louis “-will be ready to give their presentations when the time comes.”

She turns to face the lecture at large again. “Also, another reminder that they are 40% of your final grade. So please be ready. I can’t stress it enough.”

She makes a few notes on the board and soon returns to teaching, but Zayn can’t focus no matter how hard he tries. All he can focus on is daydreaming about last night; him and Louis, cuddling while watching some sappy Disney movie he can’t remember the name of, kissing at the same times the couple does…

Before he realizes it, lecture is over. Well, at least, lecture is over for everybody else. “Zayn, Louis, you two stay.” Mrs. Hart’s voice is firm.

Zayn and Louis’ names are like poison to the rest of the lecture. As soon as they hear their names, they jet out like they all got a call their houses are on fire. Not that Zayn can blame them, if he’s honest…

The two boys sit down in front of her, awkwardly avoiding her eyes.

Louis breaks before she can say anything though. “Mrs. Hart, why is it always us that you have to see after lecture? Can’t we just go home, you know, enjoy the rest of this lovely day?”

She smirks. “Just call it me checking in on the students who seem to be having the most trouble this term.”

“But we’re not having trouble,” Zayn objects. “We don’t fight anymore. We like each other.” He puts a hand on Louis’ shoulder for good measure.

“Hm, yes,” she nods. “I can indeed see that you two like each other…”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Louis questions.

“Come on Louis,” she says. “I know you’re smarter than you’d like me to think – tell me what you think it means.”

“I think it means you’re trying to get us to break up!” Louis nearly yells. Zayn holds him back.

“Calm down Lou,” he tells him. “She didn’t mean that.” He pauses. “Did… you mean that?”

She looks at them like they’ve lost their minds. “No. Of course I don’t want you two to break up. Do you two _really_ think that?” She shakes her head, then sits up straighter, trying her best to resume her standard professional look. “In the beginning of this lecture, you guys were distracted and distracting because you couldn’t stop fighting. Well, of course I’m glad you’re not fighting anymore, but now you’re distracted and distracting for a different reason.”

The two of them look at each other with confused faces, still not getting it. She sighs. “I’m glad that you two like each other. I’m glad that you two have found love in each other, but the clock is ticking. And it’s not hard to tell that you two are still not done with your project.”

She puts her hands on their hands. “I know you both care a lot about doing well in University, I know this lecture is important to both of you. Whether you acknowledge it or not, I know it is. I’ve seen it all term long. I don’t want you two to fail, and I know you don’t either. So please, promise me you will focus on this assignment.”

Her eyes are pleading, and Zayn can’t remember a lecturer ever caring this much about him and his education in his life. It honestly feels so good, and Zayn doesn’t want to disappoint her. Or himself. He turns to Louis and it’s like both of them are thinking the same thing. They nod and shake her hands.

“I promise,” Zayn says.

“I promise,” Louis echoes after him.

Mrs. Hart smiles at them both. “Thank you boys. I can’t wait to see your presentation. I’m sure it’s going to be amazing.”

 _Well, no pressure there_ , Zayn thinks to himself. He smiles back at her though, and hopes that he and Louis can make her proud.

***

After that, the two boys immediately drove back to Louis’ place, not wanting to put off working on this assignment for another moment. So here they are, pencils and folders in front of them, dialing their brains in to focus on lyrics and poems.

“You know I think it would work better if we talked to each other,” Louis says after a few minutes. “Like, thinking through our creativity by talking you know?”

“I really don’t think that’s a good idea…” Zayn likes talking about his creative process, but he’s afraid talking about it this time will end up with both of them being distracted.

Louis grumbles. “But I really want to share this one lyric with you.”

Zayn sighs. “How about you just point to it on the page and I’ll read it? We can discuss the process after we’re done for the day…”

“Fine.” Louis admits defeat and points to the lyric on his paper. Zayn has a tiny gasp when he reads it.

“Wow Louis, this is so amazing,” Zayn tells him. “I can practically feel all the emotions you put into it.”

“Well what can I say?” Louis smiles, blushing. “I have a lot of emotions about you.” Zayn grins, Louis’ eyes putting him in a trance. His heart beat is ringing in his ears as he gets closer and closer to Louis. They kiss each other and it feels like the world disappears; Louis’ about to put his tongue in when…

“Okay!” Zayn announces, returning to reality as he pulls away. “We can do that later. We need to focus now.”

Louis is pouting, but Zayn looks away, refusing to look at him because the second he does he won’t be able to work. It takes a few minutes, but Louis eventually drops the pout and starts writing again. They work in silence for the rest of the day.

When they’re both finally done, they go up to Louis’ bed and cuddle the rest of the day away.

***

The next few days go about the same – they fall into a comfortable pattern of balancing homework and romance. They’re currently taking a break to have lunch. Zayn is also taking this opportunity to look around Louis’ house.

“Why are you suddenly so interested in the stuff I have?” Louis giggles as Zayn opens a box in the living room.

“Because I haven’t been allowed to see any of it for over a year now,” he responds. “I wanna learn more about the Lou that I’ve been missing.”

Louis just continues laughing. “You could just… ask me questions you know.” Zayn waves him off though.

He gasps. “Oh my gosh, you have the Iron Man Funko figure?!” He holds it up, in love with it. “I’ve been wanting this forever, but the store ran out.”

“Do you want it?” Louis asks.

Zayn exhales. “No way, I couldn’t steal it from you.”

“It’s not stealing if I offer it to you.”

Zayn squeals, jumping up and down. Soon he realizes Louis is looking at him. “Uh… I mean, thank you.”

Louis shakes his head. “You’re so cute.” Zayn can feel his face heating up and ducks to hide it. “Hey while you’re over there, can you get my binder? I just thought of a line I wanna write down real quick.”

“Of course!” Zayn immediately replies, finding the binder sitting on the couch. “So, what are you and your family gonna do when we go on break?” As Zayn goes to pick Louis’ binder up, a single paper falls out of it.

“I’m not sure,” Louis starts. “I think I’ll be spending a lot of time with Freddie, taking him to movies and stuff and then maybe-”

Zayn doesn’t hear the rest of what Louis says. Everything around him starts to become a blur as he focuses in on the paper that fell out of Louis’ binder. The title literally says “F*** you”.

He doesn’t have a panic attack though. He doesn’t have any emotions or any reactions at first. He just goes numb, reading the words on this piece of paper.

It's the angriest thing he thinks - correction, he _knows_ , Louis has ever written. He can read in every line how furious Louis was at him. He can read how much he truly hates him from this, because anger like that doesn't just go away, and he didn’t get rid of this paper after they “made up”. He kept it in his binder. It must be a sign that he still truly believes this, truly believes that Zayn is a terrible person for leaving, no matter what he says to make him think otherwise.

Zayn doesn’t read all of it; he can’t, or else he’s sure he really will have a panic attack. And he can’t have one over this, Louis doesn’t deserve his pain. He starts walking over to Louis on auto-pilot.

“Hey what’s the matter?” Louis asks, his voice seemingly full of concern that Zayn’s not buying.

“What… is THIS?” Zayn’s voice cracks, shoving the paper in Louis’ face for a second and then taking it back. “Is this what you really think of me?”

“It’s what I _thought_ of you on the day I wrote it, yes…” Louis tries. “It was something I wrote to get my anger out when I first saw you were in the lecture. I didn’t have any intentions of actually doing anything with it. It was just a first draft anyway.” Zayn rolls his eyes because that just sounds like excuse after excuse.

“Right,” he says, trying to sound angry while also fighting back tears. “If that was the case you would’ve put it in a shredder or recycled it or something. But no, you kept it.”

“I keep all my songs, good and bad, because I feel like they show an important part of my progress-”

“Important?!” Zayn interrupts. “You think this song is important?! You’re not ashamed of it whatsoever? You think it’s important instead of something that deserves to be thrown in the trash?!” He’s having a little trouble breathing right now; he feels like a volcano that’s bursting open after centuries of being closed up.

“Well I guess that just proves it then,” he continues. “You think this flimsy piece of paper insulting my name is still right, whether you admit it to my face or not.”

“Zayn…” Louis is giving him those pleading eyes and Zayn has to look away because he won’t allow them to hypnotize him anymore.

He shakes his head. “I never should’ve trusted you again. I should have dropped out of that lecture the day we were put in a group together. But I didn’t. You know why?” His voice cracks again, like lava rocks fizzling out. “Because I cared about you, even when you gave me a reason not to. Even when you gave me several reasons not to. And I believed we could work it out.”

“And I care about you too-”

“Oh shove it! Just… shove it!” he yells through his sobs. “Don’t pretend you do when you thought something like this was ‘important’ to keep.” He picks up his backpack and other stuff as quick as he can. “I’m leaving, and I won’t be coming back. Neither will this-” he motions to the song lyrics again. “It will be going to the nearest shredder, along with the amounts of f***s I give about you anymore.”

Zayn walks out the door and doesn’t look back once. “Goodbye. For real this time.” He slams the door and runs towards his car, not giving Louis a second to walk out there and attempt to ‘apologize’ or whatever.

He drives away – going as fast as the speed limit allows all the way home. Once he’s there he collapses on the bed in a fit of tears, crying himself into a nap. He can’t believe he thought Louis was worth it; he can’t believe he was egged on for this long, believing that they could be friends again – and, even worse, believing they could be boyfriends.

Obviously they’re just meant to be nothing to each other. Not friends, not acquaintances, not nothing. And after today, he won’t be coming back to lecture. He legitimately _doesn’t_ care if he fails anymore. He can always retake the lecture, one term when he and Louis will not be in the same lecture as each other anymore and things will therefore be ten thousand times better.


	5. The End

It’s been a few weeks. Zayn was serious about what he said - he isn’t going back to that pointless lecture ever again. He’s been throwing himself into his work - finishing some demos for album #2, recording vocals for new ones, and even writing his own f*** you song because why not?

Not just music work though - he’s been turning in a lot of his homework for his online lectures, even completing all the assignments for two lectures weeks before the final deadline. He’s passing every lecture that matters, every lecture that doesn’t have a Louis Tomlinson as part of their roster.

Two weeks pass of him doing this before the day arrives. It’s the second to last Tuesday of the term, also known as the day his project for The Lecture That Must Not Be Named is due. Truth be told he’s not even thinking about it when the day arrives; for him right now it’s just another day. That is until he receives a text.

**_LT:_ ** _Zayn, today our project is due for Creative Writing. I know you don’t want to talk to me, but PLEASE. Please just come to lecture; there’s something you need to hear._

Zayn rolls his eyes. Something he needs to hear… Like what? That he stinks? That he’s evil and f*** him for leaving the band? Because he’s heard it already, thank you very much.

He almost thinks of typing that as a response, or something like it, but instead he decides to turn his phone off completely, not wanting to give Louis the satisfaction.

As he finishes up his final exam for Maths, he realizes he now has no more lectures this term. His first term of Uni is finished! But now what is he supposed to do? He could go to the studio, but he thinks he heard someone else is working there right now. He could go out somewhere to eat, but he’s not in the mood for the paparazzi today…

 _Well_ , Zayn thinks. _When in doubt the answer is sleep_. He falls onto his bed and closes his eyes, napping with his teddy bear.

He wakes up a few hours later, with an empty stomach that needs to be filled right now. He looks in his refrigerator for something quick and easy to make. He finds spaghetti leftovers from a few nights ago and quickly heats it up and brings it back to his room.

As he’s eating his spaghetti, he decides to check his University email to make double sure he has turned in all his work for the term. Lo and behold, there’s an email from Mrs. Hart. He sighs, really not wanting to open it but knowing if he doesn’t he’ll regret it.

 _Hello Zayn,_  
_It is Mrs. Hart. Since you did not show up to lecture today, your partner Louis tried to give the presentation on his own. However, since it was incomplete, I granted him an extension for one week from now._  
_It's your choice whether you return to lecture, but as your professor I have to inform you that you're also affecting the grades of a lecture mate. If you had sent me an email to tell me you were pulling out, we could have rectified this situation for your project partner, but because you dropped off with no communication, we've had to continue as though you would, eventually, return to lecture._  
_If you're sure you won't be coming to present, I can work with your project partner to work out an alternative for him, but it's seemed that he was also under the impression you would return. He attempted to present for the both of you, and as the project is designed for pairs it did not go well, and I'd like to give you both a final opportunity, so please reply to this email or come to my office during office hours to discuss._  
_Thank you._  
_Maya Hart_  
_Creative Writing Professor_

Zayn re-reads that email a few times. Louis showed up to give their presentation all on his own, and from the sound of it it didn’t go over well… Zayn frowns.

He quickly shakes himself out of it though because why should he care? He doesn’t. Louis deserves to fail. He wonders how the lecture reacted when Louis read - or sang - that dumb song. Because he knows he had to have used that song. He bet everyone laughed.

Suddenly Zayn is angry all over again and needs to cool his core. He looks at the time and decides it’s close enough to what time he’s supposed to be at the studio, so he heads that way, shutting down his computer and cramming the last bit of spaghetti in his mouth.

***

If Zayn thought going to the studio would help him feel much better, he was wrong. Of course making music will always cheer him up just a little bit but his brain keeps going back to that email. He doesn’t understand why; none of it matters. He already decided weeks ago to accept the failing grade in this lecture and retake it another time. So why is he still thinking about this?

His phone’s text alert tone goes off and he yelps slightly, drawing a few eyes. He’d forgotten he turned his phone back on for a second there. He stares at the number for a moment, not recognizing it. When he reads the first sentence, his eyes almost pop out of his skull. He slides the text open to read all of it at once and sits down, knowing this is going to be a long one.

_hey z it’s niall here . just checking in … talked to louis and he said he f***ed up bad and doesn’t know what t do … do u know what all that’s about ? know u 2 have been in contact recently ...xx_

Zayn is so taken aback. Niall hasn’t talked to him in forever and now the first thing he wants to talk to him about is Louis? This single text message is a wake-up call to him. If Niall is so worried about Louis that he sent a text to Zayn for the first time in forever about it, then it has to be serious.

For a split second he thinks about lying, telling Niall he has no idea why Louis would be feeling that way, but he can’t do it. He’s not sure what the best thing to say is though.

Finally he decides on: _Ya , Ill go talk to him_

“Uh, guys.” He turns to face his team and band. “I have to go. I’m sorry.” They all nod and smile, saying echoes of ‘it’s okay’ and ‘see you later’. Zayn loves his team so much - they’re so understanding.

He grins at them, grabbing his stuff and waving goodbye. As soon as he gets in his car, he hits the gas immediately and drives as fast as he can, like his life depends on it.

Even as he's racing to Louis’ home, his mind is racing too, with all the reasons this is a bad idea, all the ways Louis has hurt him and could hurt him again. He has to keep reminding himself, Louis has been as broken up about this fight as he has. Niall wouldn't have broken his silence without a good enough reason.

He also thinks back to that email - Mrs. Hart said Louis seemed to think Zayn would show up. Why would Louis have thought Zayn would show up after what he said to him? From the way the message is worded, it sounds like maybe Louis was sad when Zayn didn’t show up. Maybe he really did have something to say. Maybe he really is sorry.

The closer he gets to Louis’ house, the more guilty he starts to feel. What did Louis want to tell him? What did he want him to hear? Is he okay right now? From the sound of Niall’s text he isn’t okay at all. Zayn is really worried. He hopes he’s not too late and that Louis will still want to talk to him...

Zayn gets out of the car. The closer he gets to the door, the more clearly he can hear Louis crying inside the house. His heart starts beating quickly. He also hears another voice - Johannah’s. He gulps, scared of what she will say this time when she sees him. Whatever it is though, he decides he’s ready for it.

With a deep breath, he knocks on the door. He recognizes the person who gets up and walks over as Johannah. As she gets closer, he prepares for the worst she could do to him, wishing he’d worn some kind of protection. Then again, he thinks, Jay is not the kind of person to physically assault him no matter how angry she may be.

As he stares down at his shoes and slowly brings his gaze up to her when she opens the door, he expects anger - fiery eyes, fiery words - but what he gets instead is sadness. Sadness, and… Wait what is she doing? She’s reaching her arms out and… hugging him?

He didn’t expect that at all. But he hugs back softly, appreciating her kindness. “Can I - am I allowed to come in?” he whispers, hoping Louis doesn’t hear him. Yet.

“Of course,” she whispers in his ear. “Please, make my baby happy again.” He nods sadly, hoping that he can. She pulls back from the hug and lets him go in, probably deciding to give them some space. He appreciates her blessing.

Making one final prayer to Allah, he walks over to Louis.

“Mum, who was it?” Louis asks, sniffling.

“Me,” Zayn responds, trembling. He stands there, not moving out of fear Louis may not want to see him after all.

Louis gasps, turning around so fast Zayn thinks he hears his neck crack. “Zayn!” He stands up, shaking a little bit himself. Zayn grabs his hands because he’s afraid he’s going to fall or something.

After a few seconds of just staring at him, Louis breaks down in tears again. “I’m so, so sorry. You were right, I should’ve gotten rid of that song. It’s not important to me. _You’re_ important to me. And yes, I was angry, but that was no reason to write something like that. And, and having you leave again made me realize I… I don’t want to be without you.”

Zayn wordlessly leads both of them to sit down on the couch, taking in every word Louis is saying. “I’m sorry I f***ed up so bad. But, I need you. For this presentation… Then you can go back to hating me. I deserve it.”

He’s crying and shaking so hard, and Zayn does the only thing he can think of that (he hopes) will calm Louis down - he gives him a cheek kiss and a big hug.

“Louis, look at me,” he says gently. Louis obliges, but still has a face that looks like he’s trying to walk on broken glass. “Do you really think I would’ve travelled all the way to your house just to tell you I still hate you?”

“Well…”

“No! I didn’t!” Zayn shakes his head. “Let’s just say I read a message earlier today that brought me back to reality and made me realize I don’t want to be without you either. No matter how many times I may try, everything comes back to you…”

Louis gives him a weird look, and Zayn isn’t sure whether he understood the subtle reference to Niall’s song or not, but either way the next thing he knows the two of them are kissing.

In that kiss Zayn feels everything - forgiveness, love, a little bit of uncertainty, but knowledge that no matter what they will work out their problems - and he didn’t realize how much he really missed this feeling until now. It’s like their first kiss all over again. He says a silent thank you to Allah for leading him back to where he belongs: in Louis’ arms.

***

It’s time for Zayn and Louis’ extended due date. After working hard the last few days to make sure everything is perfect – recording a few more of Louis’ songs in the studio, deciding what order all their works are going to go in, etc. – Zayn can finally say with very minimal doubt that he is happy with the final product.

Taking deep breaths and trying to think of happy things, Zayn waits for their names to be called. Everyone who still needs to give a presentation is sitting next to their partners today, so Louis and Zayn are sitting closer than is strictly necessary and Louis is reassuring Zayn that everything is going to be okay.

Finally, it’s their turn. The two boys go to the front of the lecture – folders, hard drive, etc. in hand – and start giving their presentation. Zayn feels awkward looking around at all the people in the lecture because he knows the majority of them are tired of Zayn and Louis’ shenanigans, but then he looks at Louis and realizes none of the others’ opinions matter.

“Hi, I’m Louis Tomlinson,” he starts.

“And I’m Zayn Malik,” Zayn echoes, trying to stop his hands from trembling.

“Some of you may know that in 2015, Zayn left the band he and I were both part of.” Zayn nods, and feels as Louis reaches over to hold his hand. He smiles, his heart warm. “There were a lot of hard feelings and unresolved tension, as I’m pretty sure everyone in here remembers.” Awkward laughter from both the boys themselves and the rest of the room.

“But,” Louis continues, looking into Zayn’s eyes with so much pride. “Through this assignment I’m proud to say we have come to an understanding, and, even better, we’ve found love with each other.” They pause for just a moment, giving each other loving smiles.

Zayn almost thinks he hears one of the quiet kids at the back of the lecture – Chloe – say “finally.”

He bites his lip to stop from giggling, keeping it moving. “We decided to divide our project into three parts – Before, During, and After – and use our writing to express our feelings on each other and the event before it happened, when it happened, and after it happened. We hope you all enjoy.”

After that they waste no time. They play some of the songs that Louis wrote for the project that the two of them recorded in the studio together. They show Zayn’s poems on the big screen so that people can read along with him.

Finally, to conclude it all, they end with Zayn’s poem – the poem he started writing on the first day of lecture, the poem he and Louis worked together on for many days, the one he almost thought would never have a clear resolution. It’s finally complete.

It’s a long poem, and some parts of it may not make sense to anyone else but them, but it’s Zayn’s favorite out of all the poems he wrote. With Louis’ help, it finally has a resolution. Just like they do.

At the end, everybody claps, and he can see a lot of people genuinely smiling. He wonders if they’re smiling because it’s over or smiling because Louis and Zayn finally got their s*** together. He decides it’s probably the second one.

***

It’s final exam time in Mrs. Hart’s Creative Writing lecture. She tells the students that after they complete their exams and hand them to her, she will tell them what they got on their projects.

Zayn finishes his exam pretty quickly, but pretends not to be finished so that he can go up there at the same time as Louis and they can get their grades back together. He hopes they did good – Mrs. Hart seemed to be smiling while they were presenting – but of course because of his anxiety he starts overthinking and worrying that maybe he didn’t do as well as he hoped he would.

Finally, Louis rises from his seat and so does Zayn. The two boys walk over to her desk together.

Mrs. Hart smirks. “You know, if it was anyone but you two walking over here at the exact same time, I’d almost think you were cheating.” The two boys look at each other weirdly, and she giggles. “Don’t worry, I could tell Zayn was done long before now and was just waiting for you.” She clears her throat, straightening up.

“Boys, I am proud to announce that you two both have an A on your project, and an A for the term,” she passes their binders and the CD of Louis’ songs that they gave her. Zayn and Louis take them, both making weird squealing noises before they remember there are still students here taking an exam. They cover their mouths quickly, but stick to screaming on the inside.

As they put their stuff in their backpacks, Zayn grabs Mrs. Hart and gives her a big hug. “Thank you so much Mrs. Hart.”

Louis joins in on the group hug. “Yes, thank you so much. You were right about what you said when you assigned us to each other; you knew exactly what you were doing.”

She smiles at both of them, hugging back. “You’re welcome. I’m so glad I had you two in this lecture this year.” She pulls back from the hug, lowering her voice even more so only they can hear her. “I can honestly say I’ve never been more proud of two students, and I can’t wait to see what happens next for both of you.”

Zayn and Louis blush, and Zayn thinks he feels happy tears forming in his eyes. He tries not to cry in the middle of the lecture.

“Now then,” she says after a few moments. “What are you two still doing here? Go. Go out there and celebrate.”

With one final group hug, Zayn and Louis wave goodbye to her and practically run out the door. As soon as they get outside the University, they no longer hold back their screaming and jumping and crying. They’re so happy, they don’t even notice the paparazzi taking what will probably be pretty embarrassing shots of them.

They get on the public bus and start heading somewhere to celebrate, so lost in their own happiness that nothing else matters – not the people judging them on the bus, not the paparazzi taking awkwardly timed photos, nothing – all that matters to them right now is they did it. They passed the lecture, and even better, they found love and understanding in each other.

***

It was the best first term Zayn could have asked for. If you told him when he first showed up in that lecture and saw Louis that they would be here, in the Mystery Machine, cuddling and kissing like no tomorrow, he would’ve laughed and told you you’d lost your mind. But he’s glad the world decided to lose its mind a little bit. He’s glad he signed up for that lecture and decided to take it in person.

The official who helped him with his lecture sign-ups that day was right; Mrs. Hart didn’t just help them learn something about Creative Writing, she also helped them learn something about themselves.

“Hey Zayn,” Louis says out of nowhere.

“Yeah?” Zayn asks, adjusting a little bit so his head is on Louis’ shoulder.

“You wanna go back to my place and watch sappy movies? Just you, me, and Freddie?”

Zayn smiles. “Nothing would make me happier.”


End file.
